Continues..

People ask me, 'how do you tolerate..?' 'aren't you disappointed..?' 'how long do you want to go through this..?'

All I can do is smile..! What else can be answer to these questions..? How can you give up on something after having realized that that is all what you wanted for the rest of your life.. Nothing more.. Nothing less.. Just that..

There are certain things in life you can't compromise. There is no negotiation.. Not even a bit..

It isn't possible to give up.. Because that is what your life is. All you can do is, hang on to it.. fight for it.. until the last bit of air is left to breathe..! Because that is where your life is..!!

The unsaid..

I have been thinking why I'am feeling very depressed nowadays. I feel that I don't have any close friend. Of course, I have some best friends but close..? None..! I have never seen someone opening up to me by themselves to make me feel that I have a close friendship with them. I just noticed that so far it has always been me who open up and talk everything about myself to them.. Now only I'm realizing that those to whom I used to open up so far have always been listeners.. They have never mutually talked.. Perhaps they don't mutually feel the same closeness with me.. May be, I have some problem.. May be the way I'm isn't good enough for someone to feel close friendship with me..? Honestly, I don't know..

But right now, I feel extreme of loneliness.. it is a venomous feeling.. An extreme depression that makes me feel that no soul in this world is there for me.. I have no idea why I feel so, but that feeling is hitting me so badly that I'm finding really difficult to continue my existence. I know this is not good, but I couldn't help myself.

No close friends.. Nobody is there to share your pain to ask for help to take you out of this hell.. And at last, the only hope you ever had, your love, is also leaving you.. When your love, the last hope, also leaves you, its a real pathetic situation to handle.. The state of life becomes really miserable. May be I have let it to become miserable myself.. There is no one to blame but myself.

I hate everyone.. I hate everything.. I have no idea why I have developed such a negative and hatred feeling towards life. May be I'm fed up. I have given up on everything.. But even then I'm holding my last breath blindly believing that some magic may happen and everything will be just alright.. But how long would I possibly be holding it..? May be, a magic might really happen sooner or later. If it is 'sooner', its better. but 'later'...? it might be too late.

Has been a while..

Yes, it has been a while since I posted something here.. It wasn't intentional but happened so. Sometimes you tend to isolate yourself from rest of the world. May be because, you wanna find out yourself from the miserable state you are in, so that you can raise once again.

So, does this mean I have found myself from the lost world..? No.. Not yet.. In fact, I doubt whether I would. But nevertheless, I just felt that its time to open up.. At least shout at the corner of the universe where no one will hear them. Its a way to express the feelings.

One of the things I have learnt these days is that nobody in this world is as good as you are to give importance and respect to your feelings. Lots of learnings but at the cost of losing everything! Everyone says that "feel happy that life teaches you something, it is the way it is!". Hell!! Who wants these learnings..? I wasn't interested. Never will be!!

One of my best friends keeps on telling me that I have been complaining so much about life. If I ask him, "these days..?", he replies, "almost all the time". What can I say..? Fortunately or unfortunately, my posts expresses more emotional feelings towards life. It wasn't intentional. It just happened so. Perhaps that is the way I'm. Expressing emotion doesn't really mean that I complain. Perhaps its one of the ways that a soul try to get rid off those feelings. Whether the attempt is successful or not, thats a completely different story..

Most of the times, I wish certain things said and done gets unnoticed. It is just shouting in the wind.. I always feel that blogs are one of the best ways to do that..

Well.. There is, in deed, a lot to say..!! Not now.. Don't know when.. But now, I just felt like saying, "hello.." to those faces that I haven't seen in a while.. Hence the post..!!! So how have you been..?

Certain things are difficult to handle..

Days have been very dull.. Certain things in life are difficult to handle irrespective of how much ever maturity you have. Especially those things for which you never thought of any backup plans.. Because you were so sure that everything will be alright and you don't need any backup plans. But you never know what kind of surprises life has for you!!

Sometimes whether you like it or not, you are forced to live with what life offers.. It doesn't matter how bad you might feel about it. It looks like certain things wont change. They happen as they are designed to happen.. Sentiments or feelings won't be considered there..

You either live with what you get or just get out.. But unfortunately getting out couldn't be an option most of the times because it isn't just about you.. It is about lot more souls than just you!! So you strive hard to proceed further.. But damn it, this isn't what I want :-( and I don't want to move further without what I want because certain things in life are extremely difficult to handle irrespective of how much ever maturity you have (repeated statements ah?? yes, i know and I mean it!!)..