What seems to be 'little' can light someone's life...

This is one of the incidents that changed the way I live my life... So I thought that its worth writing, though its a bit lengthy one...

It had just been few days since one of the most famous actor's movie got released.. Though I am not a big fan of him, I said 'ok' to go to the movie since all my friends were so much interested to watch it. I took my nephew also with me.. We had good fun at the cost of Rs. 600 (the amount from my side including the ticket charge of Rs. 250 each for myself and my nephew). The movie was good. Though I normally wont prefer spending so much for movie tickets, I didn't mind about that spending (since we had good fun), until I met two elderly women later the same day.

The same day evening, when I was talking to one of my other friend at the roadside closer to my colony, we were interrupted by two elderly women. Both of them were very old. We were four guys standing there, my friend, my two nephews and myself, and chatting just like that. One of those two old women said that 'it had been more than two days since they had food and asked us to help them with some money so that they can buy something to eat'... They also told that they have been walking for a long time to reach their house which was around seven kilometers away from there. They didn't even have energy to walk, but they didn't have any other choice since they couldn't afford to travel in bus.

One of my nephews searched his pocket and gave them a five rupees coin. I felt pity on them and I really wanted to help them as much as I could. I reached out to my wallet and found that I had only one hundred rupees note left along with some changes. So I took hundred rupees and handed the same to her. She first thought that it was a ten rupees note. Since i felt that they both might not be having proper eye sight, I told them that it was a hundred rupees note. Because I didn't want them to get cheated by someone..

They both were very much excited and surprised since they didn't expect that I would give them that much. But what I felt inside was completely different. I was really sad that I couldn't give them more than that. Because I thought that 'this hundred rupees can help them for another two days max, but what will they do after that?'.. Whenever I help someone in their need, I always feel that "their need is addressed temporarily, but what are they going to do after that?" I worry about this especially whenever I see some old man/woman suffering. One of those two women, quickly took my hand and kissed to express her gratitude. Her eyes were filled with tears and she was telling us how she was treated badly by others when asked for help. The moments became bit emotional.

I started feeling bad that just few hours back we enjoyed like anything in cinema theater watching a movie paying Rs.250 per ticket, which I regretted that time. I could have watched the same movie after few weeks for just Rs.30. The money (Rs. 600) I spent on that movie could have helped those two old women to survive for at least few weeks.

More importantly the happiness that I get by helping such people is so much that it cannot be measured or compared with anything else. One side we spend lots of money on something just for fun, without even realizing that there are lots of people out there who are starving even for their 'very basic' needs. What I realized is that, I get much more happiness when I help such people in their need than the happiness that I try to generate by other means like going to cinema etc.

I also realized that I don't even have to restrict the spending on my own personal needs to help such people. It is more than enough if I stop spending on unnecessary things, which I otherwise term as 'lavish and luxurious spending'. This is just my perspective though..

That moment, I decided that I will never spend such big amount for watching movies.. Whenever such situation comes, I simply decide not to go to the movie (rather I prefer watching it sometime later at low cost) and I will treat it as a savings that I will use to help someone for whom that amount can be a life saver.. This is just an example. There could be lot of such situations in our day to day life where if we decide to sacrifice our little joy, it can be used to light someone's life, which eventually can bring much more joy and happiness into our life...

What we think as 'little' is really a fortune to someone who is starving for his/her basic needs.

When you become victim of a political game...

Oh boy!! I didn't expect that i would get trapped into such a big political game. I thought I have been very alert and taking right decisions. But I don't know how I made such a big mistake of trusting someone whom I shouldn't have trusted at all. How did I overlook while my inner consciousness was already keep telling me that the person is not worth my trust.

Oh boy.. Oh boy!! More than the disappointment of being betrayed, the feeling of becoming the victim of a political game is what hurting me a lot :-(

How did I miss the odds? Well... At least now, I realized it.. It is better now than later.. In that way, I'm happy, however I do not want to miss the lesson of not to trust someone if you already know that the person is a selfish who can do anything if that can gain him/her advantages over you. Especially if it is in official world, you gotta be really careful.

Oh man.. I'm losing my sleeps... I'm so much tensed at the moment (that's why I am posting this at 1.17am in the midnight). I know that I cannot do much about what had already happened. Now I got into a mood that "I don't care any more about what is happening or what has happened..." All I care about is that i gotta be serious and steady on what I really want and start concentrating on... [ F**k you those who are trying to use me as a toy for your own selfish reason... One day you will be paid off, it might not be by me, but definitely you will be taught some lessons by someone ]

When things doesn't go right...

Most of the times, I have seen people get upset when things doesn't happen the way they expected them to happen.. At times, even I also get upset but sooner i would realize that it didn't happen that way for some reason. Perhaps that reason might be, I missed out something that I am supposed to take care, in which case it is a 'lessons learnt from experience', or something better is going to happen, so it might seem to be a disappointment for a while but it is really not. I always believe that, if something doesn't happen the way we expected it to happen irrespective of we taking care of everything, it is for some good reason. I strongly believe in that. You can definitely expect something better to happen in the near future or sometime later..

If I look back at my life, there had been such disappointments whenever something doesn't seem to go in the right direction. But sooner or later, I have always got whatever I wanted in my life. Sometimes better than what I expected.. Think good, do good, make your best efforts, expect good to happen, and don't worry so much about the results [ did you notice that, i said dont worry so much; I didn't say don't worry at all, because in a practical world, the feeling of disappointment is inevitable if our efforts doesn't succeed... I just suggest not to get affected so much by the results, because things happen for good reasons only ]... Sooner or later, you can realize that your efforts paying you off in a very positive way.. Don't let your results drive you... Instead learn the lesson, and move on. You can see that what you wanted follows you...

Gotta learn to move on...

Few days back, when I was talking to one of my friends, I came to know that one of our other friends, who was close friend during college days, gonna get married on coming 20th. While I felt very happy for him that he is going to get married, it was disappointing that he didn't even think of informing or inviting me. In fact, he didn't inform my other friend also with whom I was talking to. That guy came to know from someone else...

Even though we were very good friends during college days, things started changing when professional life started.. My contact with few of my very close friends started getting weak and one day it just lost. It wasn't that i was not trying to contact them. I gave up on them when I started realizing that it is always me who was holding the friendship and try calling them again and again, they never used to call me or think of me. If i don't call them, they just don't bother. They don't even think of calling me back and ask 'what happened? why no calls?'. The moment i get that feel, i just give up. Those moments will just make me feel that they are happy with their new life and I gotta find ways to keep myself busy, find new friends and go on in life...

In the case that I mentioned in the begining, we were in touch for few months after college days. But somehow the contact between us got lost. After several months, I called him back and tried to resume the contact. I even visited his place. Had some good time. Then again the contact between us started losing. When he went to abroad for some assignements, thats it. He neither contacted me while he was there nor he informed me once he came back.

But I was hoping that he would call me when his marriage gets fixed. But that was a disappointment that i had to know from my other friends that he is going to get married.

I always wondered why it is happening. The moment each other's world becomes different, things started getting changed. Neither he nor me depends on each other. Not even for friendship, because people get their own set of new friends. The feeling of friendship just starts to fade. But life still goes on. Only those who gets committed too much into a friendship suffers, thinking why this happens.

But it happens. Gotta learn to move on. It is the way life is :-)

Whats happening with me?

I don't know why, but most often I have been perceived as rude person in my official world [ I don't know how my friends are perceiving me, it is really a big question to be asked now :-( ]. I intentionally try to be more perfect and straight forward at official world, since I personally feel that business demands people to be perfect. But why is that perceived as rude??? I don't understand? My intention has never been to be rude with anyone. 

Is there something really wrong with me? I be nice to the people who are nice. But how can I be nice with those who really pisses me off by either trying to show-off as though they are the boss for everyone and everything or trying to supress me or trying to push their work onto me but still trying to take credit for that work or trying to take advantage of me? How questioning if someone does something wrong can be perceived as rude approach? I dunno. I don't face this problem with people who are being perfect and straight forward.

I do tolerate people even if they are not perfect in my personal world, but is it a big crime to expect people to be perfect in their work at offical world??

I think, I have to take this as an opportunity to revisit myself and watch closely to understand myself better to be as much nice to people as possible.

If you, the person reading this post, are one of my friend who gets connected with me personally, i would like to know what you feel about me. Am I really being rude in my approaches? Perhaps, you can leave an anonymous comment about what you feel abt me? That can help me to understand myself and become better...