Moments of surprises..

Last week when I went to Trichy, my native, it was just two days after my birthday. I didn't celebrate my birthday with my family since I was in Bangalore at that time. When I went there, my mom and sisters wanted to give me a surprise. So they had invited few of my close friends to our home to celebrate my birthday. Though they tried to keep it a secret to surprise me, somehow I came to know about it. What they don't know is that I knew about it. My sisters had asked my friends to bring the Cake since that would be a surprise when they come home.

One of my sister's birthday was just a week back. We didn't celebrate her birthday either since not everyone of my family were available at Trichy during her birthday. So I wanted to give them a surprise while they are excited thinking that they are going to give me a surprise. So I called my friends and asked them to buy another cake having birthday wishes for my sister on it..

The time arrived and my family members were excited to see surprising happiness in my face while I was getting ready to see double excitement in my sister's face because of the surprise that I'm going to give her.

My friends came.. My sisters said to me, "we are celebrating your birthday, so only they have come.. and here is the cake".. There was no another cake that my friends have brought. I guessed something. My sister, whose birthday was just a week back, opened the cake and an immediate surprising smile and happiness started spreading in her face.. and she said aloud with surprise.. "hey.. my name is also there in the cake".. My mom and other sisters were smiling at each other..

I told her with a smile, "well.. we are celebrating your birthday too".. You can see how happy she is in the picture at the time of cutting the cake.. When you give surprise to someone who is thinking of giving you surprise, you can see that the excitement gets doubled :) and I saw that in my sister's face that day..

Moments of happiness :)

It depends on your inner mind..

Sometimes even though you try hard to forget some memories or thoughts, you just cannot. The reason is not because it is very difficult to forget. It is simply because your inner mind don't want to forget them even though you deliberately try hard.. It is just that some corner of your heart still wants and cherishes those memories and thoughts.. Bottom of the heart still feels good about those memories.. Because those memories are something that made you to feel how heaven would be..

Your inner mind don't want to lose those memories.. It still wants to look for even tiny possibilities to retain those relationships that are reason for those sweet memories.. The bottom of your heart still hopes that some magic will happen and everything will be back to its good old cherishable state.. It keeps on praying God for that magic to happen as soon as possible..

Because certain relationships are too expensive to lose.. Those relationships are something that you always wanted in your life.. You NEVER want to lose the person whom you have dreamed as your world.. because it will take life time to find such person again..

My heart is waiting for that magic to happen.. Will God make it happen? Fingers crossed..

Pain killers..

When you go through tough times in your life, you really need someone who can ease your pain by hearing your problems, giving shoulder to cry and more importantly cheering you up.. You need people who can be pain killers for your tough time.. Medicines cannot ease those pains because the wounds causing the problem is not something that science can capture.. It's emotional feeling that gets hurt.. The heart's painful noises are never heard by anyone else except the person who is facing the pain..

Friends are the best pain killers for your tough time.. Though they cannot solve your problem, they can atleast give you a hug that can console you.. They are the ones who tell you "hey there is another door opened.. lets go that way.." when you are staring at the closed door and feeling so down, blinking your eyes thinking 'what am I going to do now'.. They can cheer you up.. They can make you stand.. They can help you to refill your energy.. They can show 'thumps up' and tell you 'go on.. i'm backing you..'!!

It isn't that easy to get friends who help you emotionally during your tough time.. I'm glad that I'm blessed with such few friends.. When I'm feeling like i'm going through hell, I'm seeing a rope falling down from the sky holded by my friends and hearing their loud voice telling me 'come on.. hold it.. quick.. let us pull you up..'

God is great :-)

Ended so soon :-)

I didn't think that this chapter will end so soon.. I'm so angry on the Author that He finished the chapter very soon when I hoping that there are lot more pages to go. I don't know why He decided to kill those characters whom I was eagerly looking forward in the upcoming chapters.

I know that the Author is well known for writing each and every chapter interesting irrespective of the characters appearing in that chapter. That makes me not to give up and tells me to go on further to read the upcoming chapters to see what is new and how the plot progresses.

But at this point, I'm filled with bit of disappointment and little emptiness, I think :-)

Where is it going?

Is it what I really want..? I dunno. Feel like living in a world of illusions.. Will this get me what I want? Or is it just going to be 'yet another monsoon breeze'? Though I feel happy about it, the cells of experience is putting me on alert. At times, it even worries [ is 'worry' a right word to use here, dunno know] me..

What am I suppose to do? Go on..? by hoping that something good will happen..

Sometimes [ is it just sometimes or 'most of the times'? ] I feel that this is what I want in my life.. This is what would keep me happy.. But at the same time, I dunno why, I am little confused as what I should do.

I just couldn't understand the magic of life.. When I want to move away, it just follows me.. When I turn back, it just hides.. It gives me a feel of playing 'hide and seek' game in a sweet little winter night..

Here is yet another interesting part of my life.. A chapter with lots of excitements and twists that will make the readers to keep on turning the pages. Will these characters appear in the upcoming chapters..? God only knows :-)

What seems to be 'little' can light someone's life...

This is one of the incidents that changed the way I live my life... So I thought that its worth writing, though its a bit lengthy one...

It had just been few days since one of the most famous actor's movie got released.. Though I am not a big fan of him, I said 'ok' to go to the movie since all my friends were so much interested to watch it. I took my nephew also with me.. We had good fun at the cost of Rs. 600 (the amount from my side including the ticket charge of Rs. 250 each for myself and my nephew). The movie was good. Though I normally wont prefer spending so much for movie tickets, I didn't mind about that spending (since we had good fun), until I met two elderly women later the same day.

The same day evening, when I was talking to one of my other friend at the roadside closer to my colony, we were interrupted by two elderly women. Both of them were very old. We were four guys standing there, my friend, my two nephews and myself, and chatting just like that. One of those two old women said that 'it had been more than two days since they had food and asked us to help them with some money so that they can buy something to eat'... They also told that they have been walking for a long time to reach their house which was around seven kilometers away from there. They didn't even have energy to walk, but they didn't have any other choice since they couldn't afford to travel in bus.

One of my nephews searched his pocket and gave them a five rupees coin. I felt pity on them and I really wanted to help them as much as I could. I reached out to my wallet and found that I had only one hundred rupees note left along with some changes. So I took hundred rupees and handed the same to her. She first thought that it was a ten rupees note. Since i felt that they both might not be having proper eye sight, I told them that it was a hundred rupees note. Because I didn't want them to get cheated by someone..

They both were very much excited and surprised since they didn't expect that I would give them that much. But what I felt inside was completely different. I was really sad that I couldn't give them more than that. Because I thought that 'this hundred rupees can help them for another two days max, but what will they do after that?'.. Whenever I help someone in their need, I always feel that "their need is addressed temporarily, but what are they going to do after that?" I worry about this especially whenever I see some old man/woman suffering. One of those two women, quickly took my hand and kissed to express her gratitude. Her eyes were filled with tears and she was telling us how she was treated badly by others when asked for help. The moments became bit emotional.

I started feeling bad that just few hours back we enjoyed like anything in cinema theater watching a movie paying Rs.250 per ticket, which I regretted that time. I could have watched the same movie after few weeks for just Rs.30. The money (Rs. 600) I spent on that movie could have helped those two old women to survive for at least few weeks.

More importantly the happiness that I get by helping such people is so much that it cannot be measured or compared with anything else. One side we spend lots of money on something just for fun, without even realizing that there are lots of people out there who are starving even for their 'very basic' needs. What I realized is that, I get much more happiness when I help such people in their need than the happiness that I try to generate by other means like going to cinema etc.

I also realized that I don't even have to restrict the spending on my own personal needs to help such people. It is more than enough if I stop spending on unnecessary things, which I otherwise term as 'lavish and luxurious spending'. This is just my perspective though..

That moment, I decided that I will never spend such big amount for watching movies.. Whenever such situation comes, I simply decide not to go to the movie (rather I prefer watching it sometime later at low cost) and I will treat it as a savings that I will use to help someone for whom that amount can be a life saver.. This is just an example. There could be lot of such situations in our day to day life where if we decide to sacrifice our little joy, it can be used to light someone's life, which eventually can bring much more joy and happiness into our life...

What we think as 'little' is really a fortune to someone who is starving for his/her basic needs.

Thank you very much to those who made me SMILE today :-)

Well, I thought that it would be just another day but it was so special because it is not just my birthday but i got some happy news...

I felt very happy to receive first wish from Princy at 6 o' clock the morning... Many thanks to Cyril, Praba, Princy, Kavitha, Bala, Dom, Simi, my Anni's, Dolphin, Deeptimai, Arun, Vasu, Maha, Sangeetha, Sasi, Jaibal, Jai for remembering my birthday and wishing me good... That was very nice of you all...

You really made me smile and made my day more happier :-)

When a friend becomes stranger…

It was a Sunday night and I was hurrying to the bus stand to catch my bus. When I reached, the bus stand was heavily crowded. Bus stand is the place where you can see all kinds of feelings… It will always be packed with lots of actions – hurrying, shouting, running, tension…

After a little struggle, I found my bus… When I was about to get into the bus, I felt a little vibration inside my heart which was passed from the eyes. I couldn’t identify what kind of feeling that was. But the cause for the feeling was, I saw my good old friend with her mother. We were best friends during college days and because of some reasons we no longer talk with each other. It has been more than 4 years since I talked with her and more than 3 years since I saw her. I don’t know whether she noticed me, but I didn’t want to go and talk to her. It was a surprise that she was also traveling along with me to Bangalore that night on the same bus.

It wasn’t more than 8 months we had friendship during our college days but I can certainly say that her friendship was one of the best things I had in my life during those days. Our friendship broke because of misunderstandings and few other reasons. Nevertheless, I always have good wishes for her.

The bus started towards Bangalore and she was sitting few seats in front of me. I don’t know what kind of feelings I was undergoing at those moments. It was a strange feeling to see one of your best friends as stranger. It was a mixture of little ego about what had happened earlier yet having the same feelings of friendship, care and love. Even if your best friend becomes stranger, you still will have best wishes for him/her inside your heart. I wanted to turn my concentration somewhere else; I started looking outside the window. Lights of the opposite vehicles were passing my eyes quickly, so as the days we had friendship.

After a while, I saw that she was struggling to close her window. I noticed that no one was ready to help her. I wanted to go and help her because I didn’t want her to struggle. For few moments, I almost wanted to resume the friendship, but then I felt that she is on her own way now and I am on my own way and we are just doing well in that. We have to let go certain things in our life just for the goodness of few persons whom we love and care the most. Inside I felt very happy for her, because I know that now she must be keeping her mother and little sister happy after she started going to job.

I didn’t know how I slept, but when I woke up, the bus was nearing madiwala, where I had to get down. Surprisingly she also got down at the same place. I still don’t know whether she noticed me or not. She started walking in the direction where she has to go and certainly that was not the direction I have to go; I started walking towards my house.

Some unexpected thrills...

It was a Saturday night and I was so bored to sit at home. I called Jaibal whether he can come along with me to a movie. There is a small theater near by, so we decided to go there and watch whatever the movie that is being screened. After a while, Jaibal told me that he had asked his friends to take the tickets, so we can go on time to theater.

When we went there, I saw two of his friends waiting there at the entrance. I noticed that lots of crowd at the ticket counter since it was Saturday night. It looked like it was not just me who was bored. When we approached the door, one of his friends told to the gate-keeper (who is checking the tickets to let people inside the theater), “they are my friends only, let them in…” Then the gate-keeper allowed us inside. Neither of his friends was holding the tickets. I asked them with surprise, “where are the tickets?”. They laughed and told, “We cannot go and stand in queue to get ticket. I have given some money to the gate-keeper, that’s all”. He grinned.

Even after the movie started, I was restless. I was thinking, ‘What if the others know that we don’t have ticket. The gate-keeper got the money so he let us in, but what if they come and check the tickets now??’ I asked Jaibal, “what if they caught us without ticket?”. He smiled and told, “Just enjoy the risk, and don’t think too much of what will happen… If you are in, you are in. That’s all… Enjoy the moments like this, you won’t get such moments later!”

He was somehow right that I won’t get such moments later, because I won’t even think of going without ticket. But it was a thrilling experience that I had on that day. It was a great fun watching the movie with them. Making comments for each and every scene, screaming, shouting, laughing… It was a great fun! In between, Jaibal’s friends were shouting like “we are the only one to watch movies without tickets… can anyone do it”… They were shouting like anything. But thank God! The sound of the movie suppressed their voice.

Nevertheless, I was so thrilled to watch the movie in that way. It was a great fun! Don’t ask me which theater and which gate-keeper… I wont tell names :D

A New Year Has Born...

Thank God for blessing me to see another birthday... Yesterday i was very happy to see my mobile phone ringing all the day... I was glad that lots of my friends remembered my birthday... Almost all the persons, whom i expected, called me yesterday to wish me happy birthday, though there were few disappointments that some of my close friends seemed to forget it in between their busy schedule :) however i received some surprising wishes from few of my very good friends..

There were few nice surprises from my best friends as well... This is one of my memorable birthdays which made me sooo happy... I would like to express my happiness and thanks to all those who made my birthday brighter by remembering me and sending their warm wishes on my way...

Express what you feel...

It was a Sunday evening... My cell phone started ringing when I was riding my bike... Since I am in the learning phase of bike riding, I was very much concentrated on the road, traffic, gears and brakes... So I didn't pickup the phone thinking to call back whoever called me... After a thrill drive on the crowded traffic, I reached home and saw the mobile to know who called me...

I mostly will get calls from ICICI or HDFC kind of banks for free credit cards or pre-approved personal loans or some wrong persons calling "hello ramasamy irukara..." for which my answer would be "he just left to New York in the morning flight..." and hang the phone... But this time my missed call list showed one of my very close friend's name...

I called him back and instead of hearing "hi.. how are you?", I just heard his angry voice saying, "hey what are you doing da... forgot everyone over here ah...? I am in extreme angry on you"... Not only were his words choleric but also his voice...

I replied with a smile,"hey nothing like that da... its just that I have been kind of busy..." I know that was a lame excuse... I never believe, people saying 'I couldn't get time to call you since I had been dumped up with lots of work...' I always wonder, "don't they get a minute between the breaks to call his friends and say 'hi buddy... sorry couldn't talk for a long time since I am busy but wanted to say hi'... Won't they get few moments just to say a 'hi' at least..." Definitely you can call friends and family to say a 'hi' and talk to them for few minutes irrespective of how busy you are... Busy, work tension blah blah blah never matters...

Though I know everything, I didn't have any other reason to say other than "sorry buddy… I have been quite busy..." I know why he was angry on me... He was not feeling well for the past few days... He was severely suffering from illness... but I couldn't get sometime to call him and ask how he was... He clearly expressed how disappointed he was for not hearing my voice asking his wellness.

When he said, "I was surprised why you didn't call me even though you know I am not feeling well... that is not the Paul whom I know..." I really respected his feelings and in fact, I am glad that he called me and said that he was angry and disappointed in me for not showing care towards him (instead of keeping that in mind and showing his disappointment in some other way like not speaking properly or something like that). I liked him for being frank to express what he felt...

A relationship is successful when you are comfortable to express how you feel... it doesn't matter whether you are happy, sad, glad, angry, disappointed, excited, motivated, depressed etc... When you are able to express what you feel with someone, then you have a very healthy and successful relationship. For a lasting relationship, this is really important.

I am glad that I have few close and good friends with whom I have such a lasting relationship... Expressing how you feel in a nice way always helps to reduce the gap and increases the affection between two... And I felt that during the moments of talking to my friend on that Sunday...

Moments with an old man...

It was an afternoon and i was standing in the Bus stop of this well known city. The hot sun rays were making people to move towards shadows of trees and bus stops here and there. I was not able to stand a long time under that hot sun. So i thought to move to stand under the bus stop shadow until my bus arrives. When i made my move, an elderly voice stopped me. "thambiii..." (if you dont understand that word, its sometimes usual way of calling a stranger in tamil)

The old man, who stopped me, looked very tired. His eyes were dark circled. He would be more than 60 years old.

"Son... i ashamed to ask this but i dont have any other option. i am from **** town and my son didn't want to take care of me. he asked me to get away from the house... so i got away from there. i came to this city thinking that i could work somewhere and earn something for my food. but since i am old, no one is ready to employee me even as a server in the hotel. they are telling what can you do in this old age. it had been four days since i had my food. i feel so hungry. i really didn't want to beg but i don't know what to do. because i feel so hungry, I was thinking whom i can ask... could you give something to get me some food, please..."

His voice was shivering and the words were struggling to come out from his mouth. Of course, he wasn't looking like a begger.

I could see the real hunger in his face. I really felt so pity about his situation. The way he talked really showed that he didn't like to beg but who can stand the hunger for a long time. That too in that kind of old age.

I just opened my purse and took some ** rupees notes ( i didnt count how many notes were there...) and gave it to him and said "Go and have some food...". He really got surprised by my action. He didn't expect that i would give him that much amount without even counting how much it was. I could see a sudden tears in his eyes.

Actually he wasn't crying but got over emotioned. He said "i... i spent all my lifetime and hardwork to make my son to become one of the important person in this society. now his wife has become more important to him... he didn't even hesitate to say 'get-away from here'... but you are someone stranger but ready to help me... i dont know how i could thank you..." He really wasn't able to talk more.

I smiled and said "you look so tired. first go and have some food..."

I have seen lot of persons who is not at all caring about their parents but to the outside world they would say lot of advices like "be like this... like that etc". I really hate persons who ignores their parents who truely worked hard to make him the best person in the society. I wonder how they tend to forget them and how they could be such a selfish fellow who don't even care about how they would feel or how it would hurt them.

I thought that "this is something that we should learn that we should not forget our parents who really helped us to reach such heights in the life and later letting them to beg like this even for their basic needs..." If our parents suffer even for their basic needs, we would never be blessed in our life. Thats what i feel...

Meantime, the bus, which i was waiting for, had come... so i ran to catch the bus... after some struggle with that huge crowd i got into the bus and i tried to see that old man through the back side window of the bus.

He was walking towards a hotel nearby.

A day i made my Mom happy...

"Mom is very happy...", my sister told. Her voice was filled with cheers and i could feel the kind of happiness in her tone even though we were talking over phone. "Mom is very happy about what you have bought to her...", she continued. I didnt say anything for that. I smiled within myself. Certain things you cannot express in words but you will feel something good inside you. Then the talk continued with usual things.

It was my mom's long day wish to get a gold chain for her... Here i feel, its quite reasonable to say how was my family situations until i completed my studies... I dont wanna go into details but my family wasn't that much rich to meet each and every individual's dreams and desires... We would get the basic needs satisfied to some extend and the life would be moving on in the same boat... It was my family's dream to make me study well whatever i wish and then to earn well to make my family status a little better to buy what we want and to make our dreams and desires come true...

In that way, one of my mom's long days desire is to buy a gold chain for her... In fact, i didn't know about that... but, i too was thinking of buying a gold chain for my mom...

It was a sunny Saturday evening. "Mom... get ready! lets go for shopping to buy you a gold chain...", I said to my mom. I could see an immediate happiness in her face. On that day evening, My mom, my eldest sister and me went to a Jewellery shop and bought a gold chain in a model that my mom liked. While returning, my eyes were seeing the road side shops which are bright in lights, some darkness here and there in the streets... the wind that blows in our faces... music from some shops passing our ears... but my concentration was not in the street... I was just excited inside my mind that i have bought something to my mom which has brought happiness in her face. She was so happy about that shopping.

When we reached home, my other sisters said,"It was Mom's long day wish to buy a chain for her... because of family situation, she could not buy one for her till this day but she used to say that MY SON WILL GET ME A GOLD CHAIN ONE DAY... she is now so happy that her wishes are coming true!". I turned and looked at my mom. Her face was expressing nothing but a SMILE.

Whenever I ask my mom "what are your wishes...", she never say anything. Her reply would be a smile with lots of love and care with few words saying "Nothing da... you be happy... that will do!". My mom always adjusts herself to our situations and she has used to sacrifice her desires and wishes for us. Though she started forgetting all her desires, I feel its time for me to find out those things and make them true and keep my mom happy. I am so happy that i have started succeeding in that.

The next day night, i started to Bangalore to carry on with my job. The next day morning after i reached home, my phone was ringing. I know it was from my home to enquire whether i reached safely. I picked up the call,

"hello..."
"Have you reached home safely...", my sister asked.
"Yeah very well..."
"Good! by the way, Mom is very happy..." my sister told. Her voice was filled with....(go to the first paragraph)