"It's OK, Dear!" never means "you can do it again"!!

Sometimes an easy forgiveness allows people to do the same mistake again and again.. May be because it gives a feeling that "anyway I will be excused, so why to worry..!" I tend to think that if someone gets an excuse easily even before they really feel guilty about what they have done or said, it seems that there is no way that they are going to correct themselves. Probably because the situation is easily handled for them and they are not given a chance to sit_and_think about what they have done and why they shouldn't be repeating it again.

When there are people who take even an excuse (by excuse, I mean both forgiveness and exceptional 'its ok' for what they have done/said), which they get after a lots of effort, as take it for granted; it doesn't surprise to say that people might treat an easy excuse as a cakewalk most of the times. I believe people correct themselves only when they internally realize what they have done/said and really feel for it.

I think that sometimes tolerating or forgiving someone's _not_so_nice_action_ is resulting in them not to realize how it affects/hurts someone else's feelings. Soft spoken words of "its ok, dear" with a gentle smile never means that you are allowed to repeat it again. It never means that it is any less pain or suffering for someone. It just means that sometimes the other person doesn't want you to know how much wrong you are, just for the fact that you shouldn't feel guilty about what you have done/said. It is simply because they care for you. But that doesn't mean that you can do/say the same thing again and say "i'm so sorry.. i didn't mean it this time too..' with an innocent smile!!

Remember that you are innocent only the first time. Next time, you pretty much know what you are doing/saying.

Becoming judgmental..

Few days back, I was attending a training. Though I already know the concepts and other details of what they are going to teach, the situation forced me to attend again irrespective of me not having any interest. I was in the training room only for the attendance purpose.

Soon after the training has started, I started realizing that the trainer is not well versed in that training program. I was able to identify whenever he was making wrong points since I already have the knowledge on the subject being discussed there. When I started feeling that the trainer was fundamentally going in the wrong direction sometimes, I started raising my opinions through questions, so that not to touch his ego but at the same time I wanted the trainer to realize that the points he was trying to make is something that is unnecessary or irrelevant. The only reason why I wanted to correct him was that I didn't want those people, who are attending the training for the first time, to get trained with wrong points.

A little later, I realized that I became so judgmental that I wasn't able to focus my mind further on the training, perhaps because of the impression that the trainer has made so far. My sense of consciousness made me to start correcting whenever he tells something wrong. But soon I realized that it started bringing some annoyance in the room. Perhaps the people in the room might have wanted to move further with the training instead of me correcting the trainer most of the time.

I felt that 'may be I should calm down and let the training continue' since I have already made my points and shouldn't be hanging on it that can stop the training from moving on further. I, then, realized that its good to bring up the points what we feel is correct, but at the same time we should let things to go on since people, who are listening, have their own sense to decide what is right and what is wrong.

Though I wasn't able to concentrate much on the training, I kept quiet and let the training to continue. I felt that may be I shouldn't have attended the training and was little angry on those who made it mandatory and forced me to attend.

If you are wondering, 'what does this all mean', the answer is 'nothing'.. :-) I'm just telling what has happened. Perhaps the lesson would be not to try correcting someone too much. It is good to let them know what they might probably be doing wrong, but it is up to the person to change or correct him/herself. If I write anything further, it would mean that I'm trying to make my points stronger through this post :D so let me stop here :-)

It's different..

Sometime back I was out with my friend for lunch.. We ordered different food based on our taste.. While having the lunch, we both were tasting some sample of each other's food. He asked me, 'how is it..?', I said, 'ya. its good'.. In fact, it was really good and I liked the taste of the food that he ordered.

'So how is mine?', I asked him back. He thought for a second and replied with a smile, 'it is different'.. Though his reply directly meant that he didn't like that taste very much, his statements of "it is different" caught my attention. Most of the times, when someone asks me how something is, I have always had the habit of telling, 'yeah, its good..' (if I like it) or 'I personally didn't feel that it was good' (if I don't like it).. I mostly be careful and avoid the usage of the word 'bad' and I add the words 'I personally' to be more polite in my responses so that the other person wont feel bad about my response. I felt that his response was one of the best ways to express your opinion though you dont personally like something.

'Taste' or 'Like' etc never has defined dictionary meaning. It always carry customized meaning based on individual. Everyone is different. Each individual likes different things. Their taste vary. When that is the fact, how can someone ever say 'it isn't good or it is bad'.. Though I agree with the fact that, if someone says 'it isn't good' that directly means that it is their personal opinion. However thinking in the lines of 'it is different' brings more comfortability amoung people. It conveys the meaning in a better way that 'my taste is different' and yet you respect the other persons likes and tastes..

Isn't this lesson great.. I thought so and thats why this post :-)