Well, I thought that it would be just another day but it was so special because it is not just my birthday but i got some happy news...
I felt very happy to receive first wish from Princy at 6 o' clock the morning... Many thanks to Cyril, Praba, Princy, Kavitha, Bala, Dom, Simi, my Anni's, Dolphin, Deeptimai, Arun, Vasu, Maha, Sangeetha, Sasi, Jaibal, Jai for remembering my birthday and wishing me good... That was very nice of you all...
You really made me smile and made my day more happier :-)
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
When a friend becomes stranger…
It was a Sunday night and I was hurrying to the bus stand to catch my bus. When I reached, the bus stand was heavily crowded. Bus stand is the place where you can see all kinds of feelings… It will always be packed with lots of actions – hurrying, shouting, running, tension…
After a little struggle, I found my bus… When I was about to get into the bus, I felt a little vibration inside my heart which was passed from the eyes. I couldn’t identify what kind of feeling that was. But the cause for the feeling was, I saw my good old friend with her mother. We were best friends during college days and because of some reasons we no longer talk with each other. It has been more than 4 years since I talked with her and more than 3 years since I saw her. I don’t know whether she noticed me, but I didn’t want to go and talk to her. It was a surprise that she was also traveling along with me to Bangalore that night on the same bus.
It wasn’t more than 8 months we had friendship during our college days but I can certainly say that her friendship was one of the best things I had in my life during those days. Our friendship broke because of misunderstandings and few other reasons. Nevertheless, I always have good wishes for her.
The bus started towards Bangalore and she was sitting few seats in front of me. I don’t know what kind of feelings I was undergoing at those moments. It was a strange feeling to see one of your best friends as stranger. It was a mixture of little ego about what had happened earlier yet having the same feelings of friendship, care and love. Even if your best friend becomes stranger, you still will have best wishes for him/her inside your heart. I wanted to turn my concentration somewhere else; I started looking outside the window. Lights of the opposite vehicles were passing my eyes quickly, so as the days we had friendship.
After a while, I saw that she was struggling to close her window. I noticed that no one was ready to help her. I wanted to go and help her because I didn’t want her to struggle. For few moments, I almost wanted to resume the friendship, but then I felt that she is on her own way now and I am on my own way and we are just doing well in that. We have to let go certain things in our life just for the goodness of few persons whom we love and care the most. Inside I felt very happy for her, because I know that now she must be keeping her mother and little sister happy after she started going to job.
I didn’t know how I slept, but when I woke up, the bus was nearing madiwala, where I had to get down. Surprisingly she also got down at the same place. I still don’t know whether she noticed me or not. She started walking in the direction where she has to go and certainly that was not the direction I have to go; I started walking towards my house.
After a little struggle, I found my bus… When I was about to get into the bus, I felt a little vibration inside my heart which was passed from the eyes. I couldn’t identify what kind of feeling that was. But the cause for the feeling was, I saw my good old friend with her mother. We were best friends during college days and because of some reasons we no longer talk with each other. It has been more than 4 years since I talked with her and more than 3 years since I saw her. I don’t know whether she noticed me, but I didn’t want to go and talk to her. It was a surprise that she was also traveling along with me to Bangalore that night on the same bus.
It wasn’t more than 8 months we had friendship during our college days but I can certainly say that her friendship was one of the best things I had in my life during those days. Our friendship broke because of misunderstandings and few other reasons. Nevertheless, I always have good wishes for her.
The bus started towards Bangalore and she was sitting few seats in front of me. I don’t know what kind of feelings I was undergoing at those moments. It was a strange feeling to see one of your best friends as stranger. It was a mixture of little ego about what had happened earlier yet having the same feelings of friendship, care and love. Even if your best friend becomes stranger, you still will have best wishes for him/her inside your heart. I wanted to turn my concentration somewhere else; I started looking outside the window. Lights of the opposite vehicles were passing my eyes quickly, so as the days we had friendship.
After a while, I saw that she was struggling to close her window. I noticed that no one was ready to help her. I wanted to go and help her because I didn’t want her to struggle. For few moments, I almost wanted to resume the friendship, but then I felt that she is on her own way now and I am on my own way and we are just doing well in that. We have to let go certain things in our life just for the goodness of few persons whom we love and care the most. Inside I felt very happy for her, because I know that now she must be keeping her mother and little sister happy after she started going to job.
I didn’t know how I slept, but when I woke up, the bus was nearing madiwala, where I had to get down. Surprisingly she also got down at the same place. I still don’t know whether she noticed me or not. She started walking in the direction where she has to go and certainly that was not the direction I have to go; I started walking towards my house.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Some unexpected thrills...
It was a Saturday night and I was so bored to sit at home. I called Jaibal whether he can come along with me to a movie. There is a small theater near by, so we decided to go there and watch whatever the movie that is being screened. After a while, Jaibal told me that he had asked his friends to take the tickets, so we can go on time to theater.
Even after the movie started, I was restless. I was thinking, ‘What if the others know that we don’t have ticket. The gate-keeper got the money so he let us in, but what if they come and check the tickets now??’ I asked Jaibal, “what if they caught us without ticket?”. He smiled and told, “Just enjoy the risk, and don’t think too much of what will happen… If you are in, you are in. That’s all… Enjoy the moments like this, you won’t get such moments later!”
Nevertheless, I was so thrilled to watch the movie in that way. It was a great fun! Don’t ask me which theater and which gate-keeper… I wont tell names :D
Monday, February 11, 2008
Small thing that teaches great lesson...
Few days back, we were celebrating one of my cousin's birthday... It was totally an unplanned celebration. Nevertheless, we all were in full spirit of joy to have fun. I had my Sony handy cam, so we were shooting whatever was happening, making fun of each other... We also didn't forget to shoot each one's opinion on how they feel about the birthday boy.
We enjoyed a lot, got tired and slept. After we woke up in the morning, we all gathered and wanted to play whatever we filmed during the birthday celebration. It is always a fun to watch ourselves on the television especially if it involves some crazy things that we did in the past. More than just fun, each one started feeling that, their voice is totally different when they heard themselves from whatever we shot last night. For me, my voice was not the voice i usually imagine how it would be heard by others. But others told that, my voice was exactly the same as they usually hear.
Everyone felt that their voice is only differing when hearing on the video though other's voice on the video is the same as they usually hear when they talk. It was quite surprising and to be frank, it was not easy to accept the fact. Because whenever i speak i usually think this is how my voice would be heard by others, but the fact is not the same.
More than a fun, it actually induced me a deep thought in a different perspective. Whenever we talk or do something, we always think this is how it would reach others, but the fact might be different. The way people see it or hear it or receive it might be totally different than what we think. No wonder, why so many conflicts or so many misunderstandings that we see in our day to day life even in the situations where we feel that we were right. It is important to understand how others feel about whatever we do or say rather than just concluding by ourselves that it is how it would be received and later getting into a situation where the fact is different...
We enjoyed a lot, got tired and slept. After we woke up in the morning, we all gathered and wanted to play whatever we filmed during the birthday celebration. It is always a fun to watch ourselves on the television especially if it involves some crazy things that we did in the past. More than just fun, each one started feeling that, their voice is totally different when they heard themselves from whatever we shot last night. For me, my voice was not the voice i usually imagine how it would be heard by others. But others told that, my voice was exactly the same as they usually hear.
Everyone felt that their voice is only differing when hearing on the video though other's voice on the video is the same as they usually hear when they talk. It was quite surprising and to be frank, it was not easy to accept the fact. Because whenever i speak i usually think this is how my voice would be heard by others, but the fact is not the same.
More than a fun, it actually induced me a deep thought in a different perspective. Whenever we talk or do something, we always think this is how it would reach others, but the fact might be different. The way people see it or hear it or receive it might be totally different than what we think. No wonder, why so many conflicts or so many misunderstandings that we see in our day to day life even in the situations where we feel that we were right. It is important to understand how others feel about whatever we do or say rather than just concluding by ourselves that it is how it would be received and later getting into a situation where the fact is different...
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
A New Year Has Born...
Thank God for blessing me to see another birthday... Yesterday i was very happy to see my mobile phone ringing all the day... I was glad that lots of my friends remembered my birthday... Almost all the persons, whom i expected, called me yesterday to wish me happy birthday, though there were few disappointments that some of my close friends seemed to forget it in between their busy schedule :) however i received some surprising wishes from few of my very good friends..
There were few nice surprises from my best friends as well... This is one of my memorable birthdays which made me sooo happy... I would like to express my happiness and thanks to all those who made my birthday brighter by remembering me and sending their warm wishes on my way...
There were few nice surprises from my best friends as well... This is one of my memorable birthdays which made me sooo happy... I would like to express my happiness and thanks to all those who made my birthday brighter by remembering me and sending their warm wishes on my way...
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Don’t lose great friendship just for silly mistakes/ego...
It had been more than six months since I talked to him (who is ‘him’??? He is one of my close friends)… Earlier he and I were very close and best friends. Happiness, sadness, frustrations, disappointments, joys, etc… we share everything with each other. Our friendship has very strong and deep roots. What made our friendship so close is that we always be as we are. He or I never pretend to be someone else than truly who we are. We both respect each others feelings and preferences…
Suddenly something happened which resulted in big misunderstanding. Instead of talking about it frankly, each other started doing some mistakes which resulted “not talking to each other” state. We had openly talked a lot of things, but I don’t know how we missed not to talk about this matter frankly. Though we didn’t quarrel with each other, we simply stopped talking to each other.
Days passed… I was thinking that ‘it’s his mistake, so let him take the initiative to talk… why should I take the initiative?’… I am sure he might also have thought the same way. Months passed… We started getting busy with our own world… But I strongly felt his absence in the moments of happiness/sadness etc… I missed a good friend with whom I share lots of feelings.
Six months have passed just like that. One day I had a chance of going through my old diary. I got a very old letter which he wrote to me five and half years back. The words of the letter reflected how much deep and nice friendship we had… After reading it once again, I started feeling that how I could miss a best friend like him in my life… I thought that ‘man… we live our life only once… what are we going to achieve by giving importance to our ego and not talking to each other… It is just one life and I definitely cannot lose a good friend like him… I know that I am missing him and I know that he would also feel the same way since our friendship is like that… then someone has to step up to bring the situation back to normal… I definitely cannot waste any more time by looking at the silly mistakes we both did…’ I decided to call him and wanted to renew our great friendship…
To put away your ego to talk to the other person always demands for a great courage... When you do that you can feel the stress inside. You will always have a feel of what if he/she refused to talk. But always remember that good friends listen to each others… Sometimes it may take a while to bring the situation to normal but being idle will do no good. Some actions have to be taken to make each other understand… I put away my ego of “why should I call first…” because I know that ego never do good things in your life.
When I called him and said “hey, its paul…”, I could hear his cheerful voice of “hi paul… how are you da…”
I said, “I get a chance to go through one of our old letters and we share great friendship…I don’t want to miss you in my life just by seeing ego and silly mistakes…”
He replied saying, “I too was thinking that I missed a good friend…” and we started talking to each other like before
Suddenly something happened which resulted in big misunderstanding. Instead of talking about it frankly, each other started doing some mistakes which resulted “not talking to each other” state. We had openly talked a lot of things, but I don’t know how we missed not to talk about this matter frankly. Though we didn’t quarrel with each other, we simply stopped talking to each other.
Days passed… I was thinking that ‘it’s his mistake, so let him take the initiative to talk… why should I take the initiative?’… I am sure he might also have thought the same way. Months passed… We started getting busy with our own world… But I strongly felt his absence in the moments of happiness/sadness etc… I missed a good friend with whom I share lots of feelings.
Six months have passed just like that. One day I had a chance of going through my old diary. I got a very old letter which he wrote to me five and half years back. The words of the letter reflected how much deep and nice friendship we had… After reading it once again, I started feeling that how I could miss a best friend like him in my life… I thought that ‘man… we live our life only once… what are we going to achieve by giving importance to our ego and not talking to each other… It is just one life and I definitely cannot lose a good friend like him… I know that I am missing him and I know that he would also feel the same way since our friendship is like that… then someone has to step up to bring the situation back to normal… I definitely cannot waste any more time by looking at the silly mistakes we both did…’ I decided to call him and wanted to renew our great friendship…
To put away your ego to talk to the other person always demands for a great courage... When you do that you can feel the stress inside. You will always have a feel of what if he/she refused to talk. But always remember that good friends listen to each others… Sometimes it may take a while to bring the situation to normal but being idle will do no good. Some actions have to be taken to make each other understand… I put away my ego of “why should I call first…” because I know that ego never do good things in your life.
When I called him and said “hey, its paul…”, I could hear his cheerful voice of “hi paul… how are you da…”
I said, “I get a chance to go through one of our old letters and we share great friendship…I don’t want to miss you in my life just by seeing ego and silly mistakes…”
He replied saying, “I too was thinking that I missed a good friend…” and we started talking to each other like before
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Sunday, September 09, 2007
feeling lonely...
Nowadays I terribly feel the loneliness. I don’t know why, but most of the times I feel like I don’t have a close friend. A friend, with whom I can share all my cheers and tears, ups and downs… a friend with whom I can be myself and not thinking about “how will he react if I say like this or like that etc…”
Though I have few good friends, in fact I share lots of my personal matters with very few of them, but still I feel lonely. It may be because no one is staying closer to me to spend my times with.
Mostly when I think of with whom i can spend my free time with, my option would be empty. How long can I sit at my room, watching movies, reading some books, staring at the roads and trees from my terrace, walking here and there… It is just boring nowadays. How long can I try to keep myself busy so that not to feel loneliness…
Some feelings are not expressible. If you think of expressing it, you will get struck. But still you can feel the pain of those feelings inside you. Right now my mind is in a state like that…
Though I have few good friends, in fact I share lots of my personal matters with very few of them, but still I feel lonely. It may be because no one is staying closer to me to spend my times with.
Mostly when I think of with whom i can spend my free time with, my option would be empty. How long can I sit at my room, watching movies, reading some books, staring at the roads and trees from my terrace, walking here and there… It is just boring nowadays. How long can I try to keep myself busy so that not to feel loneliness…
Some feelings are not expressible. If you think of expressing it, you will get struck. But still you can feel the pain of those feelings inside you. Right now my mind is in a state like that…
Thursday, August 30, 2007
That last little push...
Most of the times, most of the people hesitate to say what/how they feel about something... When some discussion is going on in a group or in a meeting, they afraid to express their views/suggestions…
The bottom line of that fear/hesitation would be the thinking of "what if whatever I say is wrong... what if they feel bad about my views/suggestions/ideas etc..." This is what mostly makes them not to talk... Sometimes they struggle a lot to overcome this hesitation/fear but the words won't come out of their lips... they get into tensed state, and their inner mind would start shivering and most of the times they wont give "that last little push" to say what they feel... Are you one such kind? Then go on reading, may be you may find something useful to you in this post...
Most of the times, you can see that, sooner or later someone would be telling exactly what you thought in your mind which you hesitated/feared to say and their view/suggestion/opinion (in fact, they are your views) is being absolutely accepted and they get appreciated for that... Have you ever experienced that? How many times have you experienced that? Once? Twice?? Thrice??? Does it keep happening to you? Have you ever tried to analyze the situation and find out what exactly you are missing which stops you from speaking in the group or in the meetings?
If you think and analyze more deeply about why you are not expressing your points while the other person is able to express exactly what you hesitated to express, you can realize that,
* You hesitate to talk, because you think that 'what if it is wrong...?' But the other person thinks that 'what if it is right...?'
* You afraid to say your views/suggestions, because you think that 'they may not consider my views/ideas/suggestions...' But the other person thinks that 'they may consider my views/ideas/suggestions...'
* You fear to open up your mouth, because you think that 'what if they feel bad about whatever I say...?' But the other person thinks that 'what if they feel good about whatever I say...?'
Are you able to realize the difference between your thoughts which make you not to talk and the other person's thoughts which make them talking in the group/meeting...? Whenever there is a double mind of "what if", they give importance to the positive side of it, while you give importance to the negative side of it.
Whenever you think, "what if I am wrong?", "what if they feel bad?", "what if they ignore me?" etc, always remember that "what if" is not definite, i.e., it is like "may be"... it is never 100%... whenever you think like that, it means that you are not sure that they will think you are wrong, or, you are not sure that they will feel bad about it... etc... It is just that you think that they MAY FEEL bad/wrong about you... When you have double mind, always give credit to the positive side of it... when you think that "you may be wrong?", remember that "you may also be right..." When you think that "they may feel bad about you..", remember that "they may also feel good about you..." So always give importance to the positive side of your hesitations...
Even then, if you struggle to overcome your hesitation and find difficulty to give that last little push to bring the words out of your lips, let me ask you some questions,
* Won't you talk if you are in a situation that you will become the star of this world if you talk?
* Won't you talk if you are in a situation that you will get noticed by someone you love if you talk?
* Won't you talk if you are in a situation that someone is having a gun on your back and will kill you if you are not talking?
* Won't you talk if you are in a situation that someone is having a gun on your loved ones and will kill him/her if you are not talking?
Won't you talk in those kinds of situation??? Definitely you will talk... So you will talk when it comes to the matter of survival... isn't it? You talk if you are in a situation to survive... Then, think each of your minutes as "moments of survival"... Think that you are not going to survive if you are not talking... then it will give you enormous energy for your last push to overcome your hesitation and to talk...
So what are you waiting for? Don't hesitate to give that last little push... It is never too late to take any effort especially when it comes to the matter of making yourself better and better...
Cheers...
The bottom line of that fear/hesitation would be the thinking of "what if whatever I say is wrong... what if they feel bad about my views/suggestions/ideas etc..." This is what mostly makes them not to talk... Sometimes they struggle a lot to overcome this hesitation/fear but the words won't come out of their lips... they get into tensed state, and their inner mind would start shivering and most of the times they wont give "that last little push" to say what they feel... Are you one such kind? Then go on reading, may be you may find something useful to you in this post...
Most of the times, you can see that, sooner or later someone would be telling exactly what you thought in your mind which you hesitated/feared to say and their view/suggestion/opinion (in fact, they are your views) is being absolutely accepted and they get appreciated for that... Have you ever experienced that? How many times have you experienced that? Once? Twice?? Thrice??? Does it keep happening to you? Have you ever tried to analyze the situation and find out what exactly you are missing which stops you from speaking in the group or in the meetings?
If you think and analyze more deeply about why you are not expressing your points while the other person is able to express exactly what you hesitated to express, you can realize that,
* You hesitate to talk, because you think that 'what if it is wrong...?' But the other person thinks that 'what if it is right...?'
* You afraid to say your views/suggestions, because you think that 'they may not consider my views/ideas/suggestions...' But the other person thinks that 'they may consider my views/ideas/suggestions...'
* You fear to open up your mouth, because you think that 'what if they feel bad about whatever I say...?' But the other person thinks that 'what if they feel good about whatever I say...?'
Are you able to realize the difference between your thoughts which make you not to talk and the other person's thoughts which make them talking in the group/meeting...? Whenever there is a double mind of "what if", they give importance to the positive side of it, while you give importance to the negative side of it.
Whenever you think, "what if I am wrong?", "what if they feel bad?", "what if they ignore me?" etc, always remember that "what if" is not definite, i.e., it is like "may be"... it is never 100%... whenever you think like that, it means that you are not sure that they will think you are wrong, or, you are not sure that they will feel bad about it... etc... It is just that you think that they MAY FEEL bad/wrong about you... When you have double mind, always give credit to the positive side of it... when you think that "you may be wrong?", remember that "you may also be right..." When you think that "they may feel bad about you..", remember that "they may also feel good about you..." So always give importance to the positive side of your hesitations...
Even then, if you struggle to overcome your hesitation and find difficulty to give that last little push to bring the words out of your lips, let me ask you some questions,
* Won't you talk if you are in a situation that you will become the star of this world if you talk?
* Won't you talk if you are in a situation that you will get noticed by someone you love if you talk?
* Won't you talk if you are in a situation that someone is having a gun on your back and will kill you if you are not talking?
* Won't you talk if you are in a situation that someone is having a gun on your loved ones and will kill him/her if you are not talking?
Won't you talk in those kinds of situation??? Definitely you will talk... So you will talk when it comes to the matter of survival... isn't it? You talk if you are in a situation to survive... Then, think each of your minutes as "moments of survival"... Think that you are not going to survive if you are not talking... then it will give you enormous energy for your last push to overcome your hesitation and to talk...
So what are you waiting for? Don't hesitate to give that last little push... It is never too late to take any effort especially when it comes to the matter of making yourself better and better...
Cheers...
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Where is our culture going...?
*** I have removed the content of this post temporarily - Just enjoy the other posts :-) ***
~ Paul
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Some moments at hospital...
Today I was accompanying my friend to one of the famous hospitals in Bangalore since he was not feeling well... After some zigzags travel in the bike, we reached the hospital... When we were slowly moving in the bike to find a parking place, we were stopped by the security guard's voice, "park the bike this side..." When I was about to park the bike, I noticed the board reading "bike parking - Rs.2 and Car parking - Rs. 4"... Upon seeing that, I somewhat surprised, "how can they charge for parking inside the hospital to those who are coming to see the doctor in that hospital... when I come to this hospital, they are supposed to provide space free of cost for parking... isn't it"... I wondered inside about how people are trying to make money by all the possible ways...
When my friend and I entered the outpatient ward, I was slowly looking around the place as my friend was talking to the receptionist to get doctor's appointment. The notice, which was pasted near the reception, caught my eyes and it read, "Hospital tariff has been revised from May 2007"... 'What TARIFF???' There are lots of better ways of writing it like 'hospital fees...' or 'hospital charges...' etc... I felt like the word 'tariff' is something to be used with pure business like hotel, tourism, etc... Now days, the doctor-patient relationship has gone... only doctor-customer relationship is there... I believe you can differentiate the words patient and customer... Doctors started treating patients like money making machines and try to extract money as much as possible before he leaves the hospital... (Of course, I am not talking about all the doctors here, genuine doctors are exceptions)...
After my friend paid the consultation fee, we were asked to wait near room 18 to meet the doctor... we found two chairs to sit and started waiting for the doctor and the time was 9.30 AM. I could smell the medicine in each and every particle of the air... Lot of dull faces around... showing their illness in their tired eyes... The time went on but we didn't see any sign of doctor whom we were supposed to meet... Other doctors treating dental, allergic, etc were there and the patients were coming and going but our doctor didn't turn up until 11.30... We were literally waiting for more than 2 hours... When money starts flowing, people start losing their punctuality and sincerity... I feel that doctor profession is something divine since they are dealing with the lives of people... People who are suffering by illness is waiting for the doctor and he is coming late just like that...
After he came, no process or anything followed to send the patients in... The guys who well know the attenders and nurses were going first and there is no first come first serve basis or nothing... At last, my friend met the doctor and got the prescription... Then we were routed to another place for putting injection... I was surprised, 'then... what is the doctor doing... cannot he put the injection... or even the nurse whoever assisting him inside, cannot she put the injection... then what else she does... again routing to some other place just for injection...'
When we were waiting outside for injection to be put, I saw a guy coming for the same... he was alone, dull, and he was totally tired... By seeing his face and eyes, I could say that he was not steady and definitely the fever would have been very high... I could feel how much he was suffering inside by seeing him... But no one was accompanying him... perhaps; he might be a software engineer or so from some other place working in Bangalore like us... Working in some hi-fi companies... earning a lot... capable of living luxurious life... But when not feeling well, no one to take care... you got to suffer by your own, since the family would be more than 100 miles away... you got to get up and make some coffee by your own even your fever is high... even your head is spinning in giddy... even your body is paining like anything because of illness... I sometimes wonder why this kind of life are we living... but most of the times my inner heart would answer, "to make your family, loved-ones and those who depends on you happy and to give them a good life..." In fact, that is true with most of the people who are working like us whom we meet/see in our day to day life...
When we were about to leave, we saw two attenders taking an old lady who was laying on the rolling bed followed by his son or someone... she was almost unconscious... they were hurrying her into the hospital rooms... my friend and I were seeing each other's face and my friend said humorously, "they will send her out only after extracting whatever she earned in these years of living..." and we started from there...
When my friend and I entered the outpatient ward, I was slowly looking around the place as my friend was talking to the receptionist to get doctor's appointment. The notice, which was pasted near the reception, caught my eyes and it read, "Hospital tariff has been revised from May 2007"... 'What TARIFF???' There are lots of better ways of writing it like 'hospital fees...' or 'hospital charges...' etc... I felt like the word 'tariff' is something to be used with pure business like hotel, tourism, etc... Now days, the doctor-patient relationship has gone... only doctor-customer relationship is there... I believe you can differentiate the words patient and customer... Doctors started treating patients like money making machines and try to extract money as much as possible before he leaves the hospital... (Of course, I am not talking about all the doctors here, genuine doctors are exceptions)...
After my friend paid the consultation fee, we were asked to wait near room 18 to meet the doctor... we found two chairs to sit and started waiting for the doctor and the time was 9.30 AM. I could smell the medicine in each and every particle of the air... Lot of dull faces around... showing their illness in their tired eyes... The time went on but we didn't see any sign of doctor whom we were supposed to meet... Other doctors treating dental, allergic, etc were there and the patients were coming and going but our doctor didn't turn up until 11.30... We were literally waiting for more than 2 hours... When money starts flowing, people start losing their punctuality and sincerity... I feel that doctor profession is something divine since they are dealing with the lives of people... People who are suffering by illness is waiting for the doctor and he is coming late just like that...
After he came, no process or anything followed to send the patients in... The guys who well know the attenders and nurses were going first and there is no first come first serve basis or nothing... At last, my friend met the doctor and got the prescription... Then we were routed to another place for putting injection... I was surprised, 'then... what is the doctor doing... cannot he put the injection... or even the nurse whoever assisting him inside, cannot she put the injection... then what else she does... again routing to some other place just for injection...'
When we were waiting outside for injection to be put, I saw a guy coming for the same... he was alone, dull, and he was totally tired... By seeing his face and eyes, I could say that he was not steady and definitely the fever would have been very high... I could feel how much he was suffering inside by seeing him... But no one was accompanying him... perhaps; he might be a software engineer or so from some other place working in Bangalore like us... Working in some hi-fi companies... earning a lot... capable of living luxurious life... But when not feeling well, no one to take care... you got to suffer by your own, since the family would be more than 100 miles away... you got to get up and make some coffee by your own even your fever is high... even your head is spinning in giddy... even your body is paining like anything because of illness... I sometimes wonder why this kind of life are we living... but most of the times my inner heart would answer, "to make your family, loved-ones and those who depends on you happy and to give them a good life..." In fact, that is true with most of the people who are working like us whom we meet/see in our day to day life...
When we were about to leave, we saw two attenders taking an old lady who was laying on the rolling bed followed by his son or someone... she was almost unconscious... they were hurrying her into the hospital rooms... my friend and I were seeing each other's face and my friend said humorously, "they will send her out only after extracting whatever she earned in these years of living..." and we started from there...
Friday, June 29, 2007
Some disgusting people...
It was very early morning of a Saturday. The time was 1 AM. I was inside a bus at Salem bus stand. The bus stand was filled with lot of dull faces showing lack of sleep in their eyes... little boys and girls sleeping in the laps and shoulders of their mother... Few tea shop persons actively preparing tea and keep calling everyone whoever crosses the shop... Few prostitutes, with good makeup, actively roaming around the bus stand trying to catch some customers... Lot of people sleeping on the platforms using hands and some bags as their pillow... The bus stand was quite busy even at that time...
Just before the bus started, a guy came in with hands full of news papers and kept shouting "fresh morning news paper sir... just two rupees..." Initially i thought of not to buy but later i thought, 'it is just two rupees... may be some interesting news would be there to read to pass the time...' So i called him, gave him two rupees and bought one newspaper...
The guy next to me was well dressed and he kept looking at me and the newspaper at my hand... The bus started moving, reached the main road and started speeding towards Trichy... Everywhere i look through the window was so dark with some sparkling brightness here and there... The images of the trees on both sides of the roads are moving so fast as dark shadows... The cold wind was blowing all over my body through the window and forcibly making the hairs to dance...
I always enjoy my travel and won’t prefer to sleep during journey except the return journey when i got to go to work on the next day morning... So mostly when going to Trichy, i prefer taking connecting buses instead of direct bus. I enjoy watching things around me, getting down at bus stands to change bus, having a tea in the bus stands at busy nights etc...
I started reading the newspaper... There was a cover story about recently released movie "shivaji" in which rajnikanth (one of the star actor) is acting the lead role... I was quite interested to read it... I found it difficult to read the newspaper because of the forcibly flowing air through the window. Also there is no space to freely open the newspaper and read... I read it for just very few minutes then i carefully kept on my lap thinking of reading it few minutes later... I didn't want to fold it like zigzag... I wanted it to be fresh until i reach Trichy, so that my sisters can read it...
The moment i stopped reading, the guy next to me asked, "Can i read it..." I don't know why, but i really got irritated when he asked my newspaper to read, especially even before i read it completely... I definitely wouldn't have got irritated if i know him earlier. He was just a stranger and he knows that i bought it just few minutes back, and i kept it carefully because of not able to read since wind was coming in from all over the direction. Though my inside mind was saying, "you stupid, don't you know that you should not ask me before i read it completely...", my head reacted like "ok... take it"... I really wanted to say "no" but by habit i said "yeah... no problems"... and i gave the newspaper to him...
I was wondering inside, 'what a person he is'... 'doesn't he know any manners of not to ask anything that others bought even before they use it... the newspaper was just two rupees... an expense less than what you spent for a single tea... if he is so much interested to read the papers, why can't he buy one...' I was really angry, especially when he started folding my papers like the way he wants as though he bought it... I was at my peak tension... but i couldn't show it explicitly because of how we have been taught to behave in public when we grew up...
When the bus conductor came, he opened his purse and i could see few 500 rupees and lot of 100 rupees etc in his purse... Some people are very careful about how they spent (even they care about two rupees), but never hesitate to ask something what others bought and never think to take care of what they borrowed... They won't even think about 'won't they mind if we ask, they may plan to read it few minutes later etc...' They never hesitate to use others things... They don't care whether we use whatever we bought, but they want to use it... His behavior was very much disgusting...
But there was a problem on my side too... I should have told "no, i don’t want to give until i complete reading..." But because of the way we brought up, we always hesitate to say 'no' when someone asks something... I think, we should learn to say 'no', when our mind says to do so... I was so much irritated because of one main reason that the news paper was "just" two rupees... 'When he could afford it, why doesn't he buy one if he is very much interested in reading newspaper...' Anyways, that was one of the very much irritating experience i had while i was traveling...
Just before the bus started, a guy came in with hands full of news papers and kept shouting "fresh morning news paper sir... just two rupees..." Initially i thought of not to buy but later i thought, 'it is just two rupees... may be some interesting news would be there to read to pass the time...' So i called him, gave him two rupees and bought one newspaper...
The guy next to me was well dressed and he kept looking at me and the newspaper at my hand... The bus started moving, reached the main road and started speeding towards Trichy... Everywhere i look through the window was so dark with some sparkling brightness here and there... The images of the trees on both sides of the roads are moving so fast as dark shadows... The cold wind was blowing all over my body through the window and forcibly making the hairs to dance...
I always enjoy my travel and won’t prefer to sleep during journey except the return journey when i got to go to work on the next day morning... So mostly when going to Trichy, i prefer taking connecting buses instead of direct bus. I enjoy watching things around me, getting down at bus stands to change bus, having a tea in the bus stands at busy nights etc...
I started reading the newspaper... There was a cover story about recently released movie "shivaji" in which rajnikanth (one of the star actor) is acting the lead role... I was quite interested to read it... I found it difficult to read the newspaper because of the forcibly flowing air through the window. Also there is no space to freely open the newspaper and read... I read it for just very few minutes then i carefully kept on my lap thinking of reading it few minutes later... I didn't want to fold it like zigzag... I wanted it to be fresh until i reach Trichy, so that my sisters can read it...
The moment i stopped reading, the guy next to me asked, "Can i read it..." I don't know why, but i really got irritated when he asked my newspaper to read, especially even before i read it completely... I definitely wouldn't have got irritated if i know him earlier. He was just a stranger and he knows that i bought it just few minutes back, and i kept it carefully because of not able to read since wind was coming in from all over the direction. Though my inside mind was saying, "you stupid, don't you know that you should not ask me before i read it completely...", my head reacted like "ok... take it"... I really wanted to say "no" but by habit i said "yeah... no problems"... and i gave the newspaper to him...
I was wondering inside, 'what a person he is'... 'doesn't he know any manners of not to ask anything that others bought even before they use it... the newspaper was just two rupees... an expense less than what you spent for a single tea... if he is so much interested to read the papers, why can't he buy one...' I was really angry, especially when he started folding my papers like the way he wants as though he bought it... I was at my peak tension... but i couldn't show it explicitly because of how we have been taught to behave in public when we grew up...
When the bus conductor came, he opened his purse and i could see few 500 rupees and lot of 100 rupees etc in his purse... Some people are very careful about how they spent (even they care about two rupees), but never hesitate to ask something what others bought and never think to take care of what they borrowed... They won't even think about 'won't they mind if we ask, they may plan to read it few minutes later etc...' They never hesitate to use others things... They don't care whether we use whatever we bought, but they want to use it... His behavior was very much disgusting...
But there was a problem on my side too... I should have told "no, i don’t want to give until i complete reading..." But because of the way we brought up, we always hesitate to say 'no' when someone asks something... I think, we should learn to say 'no', when our mind says to do so... I was so much irritated because of one main reason that the news paper was "just" two rupees... 'When he could afford it, why doesn't he buy one if he is very much interested in reading newspaper...' Anyways, that was one of the very much irritating experience i had while i was traveling...
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Express what you feel...
It was a Sunday evening... My cell phone started ringing when I was riding my bike... Since I am in the learning phase of bike riding, I was very much concentrated on the road, traffic, gears and brakes... So I didn't pickup the phone thinking to call back whoever called me... After a thrill drive on the crowded traffic, I reached home and saw the mobile to know who called me...
I mostly will get calls from ICICI or HDFC kind of banks for free credit cards or pre-approved personal loans or some wrong persons calling "hello ramasamy irukara..." for which my answer would be "he just left to New York in the morning flight..." and hang the phone... But this time my missed call list showed one of my very close friend's name...
I called him back and instead of hearing "hi.. how are you?", I just heard his angry voice saying, "hey what are you doing da... forgot everyone over here ah...? I am in extreme angry on you"... Not only were his words choleric but also his voice...
I replied with a smile,"hey nothing like that da... its just that I have been kind of busy..." I know that was a lame excuse... I never believe, people saying 'I couldn't get time to call you since I had been dumped up with lots of work...' I always wonder, "don't they get a minute between the breaks to call his friends and say 'hi buddy... sorry couldn't talk for a long time since I am busy but wanted to say hi'... Won't they get few moments just to say a 'hi' at least..." Definitely you can call friends and family to say a 'hi' and talk to them for few minutes irrespective of how busy you are... Busy, work tension blah blah blah never matters...
Though I know everything, I didn't have any other reason to say other than "sorry buddy… I have been quite busy..." I know why he was angry on me... He was not feeling well for the past few days... He was severely suffering from illness... but I couldn't get sometime to call him and ask how he was... He clearly expressed how disappointed he was for not hearing my voice asking his wellness.
When he said, "I was surprised why you didn't call me even though you know I am not feeling well... that is not the Paul whom I know..." I really respected his feelings and in fact, I am glad that he called me and said that he was angry and disappointed in me for not showing care towards him (instead of keeping that in mind and showing his disappointment in some other way like not speaking properly or something like that). I liked him for being frank to express what he felt...
A relationship is successful when you are comfortable to express how you feel... it doesn't matter whether you are happy, sad, glad, angry, disappointed, excited, motivated, depressed etc... When you are able to express what you feel with someone, then you have a very healthy and successful relationship. For a lasting relationship, this is really important.
I am glad that I have few close and good friends with whom I have such a lasting relationship... Expressing how you feel in a nice way always helps to reduce the gap and increases the affection between two... And I felt that during the moments of talking to my friend on that Sunday...
I mostly will get calls from ICICI or HDFC kind of banks for free credit cards or pre-approved personal loans or some wrong persons calling "hello ramasamy irukara..." for which my answer would be "he just left to New York in the morning flight..." and hang the phone... But this time my missed call list showed one of my very close friend's name...
I called him back and instead of hearing "hi.. how are you?", I just heard his angry voice saying, "hey what are you doing da... forgot everyone over here ah...? I am in extreme angry on you"... Not only were his words choleric but also his voice...
I replied with a smile,"hey nothing like that da... its just that I have been kind of busy..." I know that was a lame excuse... I never believe, people saying 'I couldn't get time to call you since I had been dumped up with lots of work...' I always wonder, "don't they get a minute between the breaks to call his friends and say 'hi buddy... sorry couldn't talk for a long time since I am busy but wanted to say hi'... Won't they get few moments just to say a 'hi' at least..." Definitely you can call friends and family to say a 'hi' and talk to them for few minutes irrespective of how busy you are... Busy, work tension blah blah blah never matters...
Though I know everything, I didn't have any other reason to say other than "sorry buddy… I have been quite busy..." I know why he was angry on me... He was not feeling well for the past few days... He was severely suffering from illness... but I couldn't get sometime to call him and ask how he was... He clearly expressed how disappointed he was for not hearing my voice asking his wellness.
When he said, "I was surprised why you didn't call me even though you know I am not feeling well... that is not the Paul whom I know..." I really respected his feelings and in fact, I am glad that he called me and said that he was angry and disappointed in me for not showing care towards him (instead of keeping that in mind and showing his disappointment in some other way like not speaking properly or something like that). I liked him for being frank to express what he felt...
A relationship is successful when you are comfortable to express how you feel... it doesn't matter whether you are happy, sad, glad, angry, disappointed, excited, motivated, depressed etc... When you are able to express what you feel with someone, then you have a very healthy and successful relationship. For a lasting relationship, this is really important.
I am glad that I have few close and good friends with whom I have such a lasting relationship... Expressing how you feel in a nice way always helps to reduce the gap and increases the affection between two... And I felt that during the moments of talking to my friend on that Sunday...
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Enjoying my loneliness...
It was a lovely evening I spent in my new house... I can't really say that it is a house since it just contains a room with attached bath on the third floor of the building... I just changed my place of stay since I didn't find parking space for my bike in the place where I stayed earlier. The new place was quite wonderful with cool wind coming in all the directions and of course all the times... A long neat and nice terrace with lovely atmosphere... Very calm (like you can hear the sound of shower of the house that is around 100 feet away - don't look at me like that... I just told this example to express how calm it is... I didn't see anything [ smiles ])...
It was really nice watching the wonderful surroundings which looked like a kind of a nice and calm island in the middle of the crowded and messed up city... The environment was very much thought provoking... The house owner is a charming personality not like my earlier owner... So no disturbance of any kind which gives a kind of environment where you feel you are left alone with a pleasing and a lovely atmosphere... I started enjoying my loneliness... It gives a kind of feel to revisit some of my goals which I didn't pay attention by simply saying 'I am busy... not having a good environment to carry on... not a good time now..' etc kind of stupid reasons... Let’s see how it goes...
It was really nice watching the wonderful surroundings which looked like a kind of a nice and calm island in the middle of the crowded and messed up city... The environment was very much thought provoking... The house owner is a charming personality not like my earlier owner... So no disturbance of any kind which gives a kind of environment where you feel you are left alone with a pleasing and a lovely atmosphere... I started enjoying my loneliness... It gives a kind of feel to revisit some of my goals which I didn't pay attention by simply saying 'I am busy... not having a good environment to carry on... not a good time now..' etc kind of stupid reasons... Let’s see how it goes...
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Sometimes...
It had been long time since I updated my Blog... Things are going pretty busy... Lot of times I have thought about writing some posts in my blog... in fact, I have also started quite a few but didn’t get time to complete them.
Sometimes I think a lot why I am into this profession, which keeps me very busy most of my time, which isolates me from what is happening around me in the society, which always interrupts my personal times not to spend freely, which keeps my mind think always about projects, issues, meetings, etc and not about my friends and family, which hardly gives me chance to think about calling my friends and spending my times with them... Sometimes I hate this job though it is (or may be 'was') my dream...
I used to think a lot during my school days 'won't it be so great to be a software engineer... creating new software’s, technologies used by lot of people... living a hi-fi life... etc'... But later during these days, when I call my family and hear my mother and sisters' voice over phone saying, "it has been so long since we saw you... we have been expecting eagerly to see you... can you come over this week???"... Whenever I hear those words, I immediately plan to go to my native, but immediately I will hear my boss's voice saying, "Paul... can those defects be fixed within this weekend since we have a release next week..." or something like "we have a very high priority issue coming up on our way so we may have to work hard this weekend to fix that...", which will spoil all my plans and I may have to stay back to fix those problems by that week... Whenever my boss says like that, i will look at him with a slight smile, and then he will immediately say, "only this weekend"... When he says that, i will laugh, then he will smile and will correct his statement, "yeah... this weekend too..." He knows that "only" this weekend is a big comedy...
Whenever I feel that my family would be disappointed for not seeing me this week too, I hate this job... but on the other hand, this job gives me lot of money and facility which helps me to keep my family in a comfortable position and to satisfy all their needs... to help someone in needs... get whatever my loved ones want... Whenever I fulfill the dreams and desires of my loved ones, or buy something they love the most, I can see a fulfilled smile and happiness on their face... At those moments, I love this job...
This profession is all about losing something to gain something else... But yet sometimes things we lose are invaluable than something that we gain... This life is all about balancing and i am trying to deal it in the best way i can but yet sometimes... [ smiles ]
Sometimes I think a lot why I am into this profession, which keeps me very busy most of my time, which isolates me from what is happening around me in the society, which always interrupts my personal times not to spend freely, which keeps my mind think always about projects, issues, meetings, etc and not about my friends and family, which hardly gives me chance to think about calling my friends and spending my times with them... Sometimes I hate this job though it is (or may be 'was') my dream...
I used to think a lot during my school days 'won't it be so great to be a software engineer... creating new software’s, technologies used by lot of people... living a hi-fi life... etc'... But later during these days, when I call my family and hear my mother and sisters' voice over phone saying, "it has been so long since we saw you... we have been expecting eagerly to see you... can you come over this week???"... Whenever I hear those words, I immediately plan to go to my native, but immediately I will hear my boss's voice saying, "Paul... can those defects be fixed within this weekend since we have a release next week..." or something like "we have a very high priority issue coming up on our way so we may have to work hard this weekend to fix that...", which will spoil all my plans and I may have to stay back to fix those problems by that week... Whenever my boss says like that, i will look at him with a slight smile, and then he will immediately say, "only this weekend"... When he says that, i will laugh, then he will smile and will correct his statement, "yeah... this weekend too..." He knows that "only" this weekend is a big comedy...
Whenever I feel that my family would be disappointed for not seeing me this week too, I hate this job... but on the other hand, this job gives me lot of money and facility which helps me to keep my family in a comfortable position and to satisfy all their needs... to help someone in needs... get whatever my loved ones want... Whenever I fulfill the dreams and desires of my loved ones, or buy something they love the most, I can see a fulfilled smile and happiness on their face... At those moments, I love this job...
This profession is all about losing something to gain something else... But yet sometimes things we lose are invaluable than something that we gain... This life is all about balancing and i am trying to deal it in the best way i can but yet sometimes... [ smiles ]
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Some dirty people...
It was a sunny afternoon. I was about to enter into the ICICI Bank ATM center to get some money and my attention was distracted by an elderly voice. She was around 60 years old and was selling kerchiefs. She isn't talking to anyone specifically but general. "Everyone sell lot of stuff all the day this way, and why don't i sell kerchiefs... What bothers him if i sell something for my survival?", her voice was spreading some resentment.
That place would usually be crowded in normal working days. But it was a sunday so the shopes looked quite empty and only few people are standing here and there in the tree shadows. It looked like one of the shop owner had scolded her not to sell kerchiefs near his shop... So she was cursing the shop owner...
There were some tiredness in her face, possibly because of hungry since she looked like she didn't have her food since morning. She was wearing a very ordinary saree and her appearance showed that each and every paise she earns by selling kerchief is abosolutely important for her survival.
She was just talking in general. But i was watching and listening to her even though i have been walking towards the ATM center. After few seconds, she noticed that i have been looking at her. Then she started cursing that shop owner looking at me. She came close to me and said "See son... What bothers him if i sell kerchiefs... I was just walking in the streets and sell some kerchief for my food. Why is he scolding me... Unkind fellows...". Whoever hears the way she told, would really feel sympathy. So was I.
I stopped walking and smiled at her. An immediate reaction in her face showed that she felt warm inside. I said to her, "just leave them... some people are like that only... don't worry..."
She told, "i don't know why these people feel happy by irritating and cheating poor old woman like me...". There was a bitterness in her voice.
She should have felt little comfortable towards me to say what she feels since i was listening to her. "I am sharing this with you thinking like you are my son... my husband is no more and i have a daughter. Since we are poor, i am afraid to send my daughter anywhere to work. She is a teenage girl, if something happens to her who is there to support me. Thats why i keep her at home and try to sell something like this [showed the kerchiefs at her hand] in this old age for our daily survival..."
Some layer of water started appearing in her eyes, which she wiped using her saree corner. Her voice continued, "i dont know how people even think of cheating me... just two days back, in this same place only it happened... " and she started telling me her bad experience...
"I was selling kerchiefs in this same street two days back and suddenly a guy came to me and said that some nearby social trust [a kind of community helping poors] is helping poor people. and asked me whether i need some help. i said 'yes'. He took me to the building on the other side", she was showing her fingers towards the building and continued, "he asked me whether i want a help as clothes or money... i said it would be very much helpful if i get some money so that i could buy some rice for food... he took me to the building entrace and told me to wait outside, and asked me whether i have 100 ruppes. i was puzzled but he told me to give him 100 rupees and he would get me 300 rupees from them... I dont know how i believe him. But for a poor old woman like me, if he gets 300 rupees that would be very much helpful for our food. so i believed him. I took the only money i had, 100 rupees, and gave him. He asked me to wait and told that he would get back in five minutes... I have been waiting there for the rest of the day but he didn't appear at all...", when she finished, there were full of tears in her eyes.
Then she continued, "I was asking everyone in that building, but no one answered. They simply said to me, 'looks like he has cheated you....' and asked me, 'why are you believe some strangers like this'...".
She continued with a big sigh, "all i believed is he is taking me to some religious trust who helps people... that may help me to get few lunch for me and my daughter... i dont know how people think of cheating a poor woman like me..." There was a big disappointment, sadness and bitterness in her voice. She finally told in a heavily sad voice, "i lost the money i had saved, so i borrowed some money from my neighbour to get these kerchiefs to sell...people are easily cheating me since i am old and poor and avoiding, ignoring me since my dress look little dirty...", when she said that, i could realize how much she had got hurt inside.
I really felt so sad for her. But i don't know what to say. I just told, "don't worry... you are not dirty but the guy who cheated you. dirty outside the body is toleratable but not inside the mind. guys like them are only dirty and those kind of people will never have a good life... god will take care..."
After that i wasn't there for a long time...
That place would usually be crowded in normal working days. But it was a sunday so the shopes looked quite empty and only few people are standing here and there in the tree shadows. It looked like one of the shop owner had scolded her not to sell kerchiefs near his shop... So she was cursing the shop owner...
There were some tiredness in her face, possibly because of hungry since she looked like she didn't have her food since morning. She was wearing a very ordinary saree and her appearance showed that each and every paise she earns by selling kerchief is abosolutely important for her survival.
She was just talking in general. But i was watching and listening to her even though i have been walking towards the ATM center. After few seconds, she noticed that i have been looking at her. Then she started cursing that shop owner looking at me. She came close to me and said "See son... What bothers him if i sell kerchiefs... I was just walking in the streets and sell some kerchief for my food. Why is he scolding me... Unkind fellows...". Whoever hears the way she told, would really feel sympathy. So was I.
I stopped walking and smiled at her. An immediate reaction in her face showed that she felt warm inside. I said to her, "just leave them... some people are like that only... don't worry..."
She told, "i don't know why these people feel happy by irritating and cheating poor old woman like me...". There was a bitterness in her voice.
She should have felt little comfortable towards me to say what she feels since i was listening to her. "I am sharing this with you thinking like you are my son... my husband is no more and i have a daughter. Since we are poor, i am afraid to send my daughter anywhere to work. She is a teenage girl, if something happens to her who is there to support me. Thats why i keep her at home and try to sell something like this [showed the kerchiefs at her hand] in this old age for our daily survival..."
Some layer of water started appearing in her eyes, which she wiped using her saree corner. Her voice continued, "i dont know how people even think of cheating me... just two days back, in this same place only it happened... " and she started telling me her bad experience...
"I was selling kerchiefs in this same street two days back and suddenly a guy came to me and said that some nearby social trust [a kind of community helping poors] is helping poor people. and asked me whether i need some help. i said 'yes'. He took me to the building on the other side", she was showing her fingers towards the building and continued, "he asked me whether i want a help as clothes or money... i said it would be very much helpful if i get some money so that i could buy some rice for food... he took me to the building entrace and told me to wait outside, and asked me whether i have 100 ruppes. i was puzzled but he told me to give him 100 rupees and he would get me 300 rupees from them... I dont know how i believe him. But for a poor old woman like me, if he gets 300 rupees that would be very much helpful for our food. so i believed him. I took the only money i had, 100 rupees, and gave him. He asked me to wait and told that he would get back in five minutes... I have been waiting there for the rest of the day but he didn't appear at all...", when she finished, there were full of tears in her eyes.
Then she continued, "I was asking everyone in that building, but no one answered. They simply said to me, 'looks like he has cheated you....' and asked me, 'why are you believe some strangers like this'...".
She continued with a big sigh, "all i believed is he is taking me to some religious trust who helps people... that may help me to get few lunch for me and my daughter... i dont know how people think of cheating a poor woman like me..." There was a big disappointment, sadness and bitterness in her voice. She finally told in a heavily sad voice, "i lost the money i had saved, so i borrowed some money from my neighbour to get these kerchiefs to sell...people are easily cheating me since i am old and poor and avoiding, ignoring me since my dress look little dirty...", when she said that, i could realize how much she had got hurt inside.
I really felt so sad for her. But i don't know what to say. I just told, "don't worry... you are not dirty but the guy who cheated you. dirty outside the body is toleratable but not inside the mind. guys like them are only dirty and those kind of people will never have a good life... god will take care..."
After that i wasn't there for a long time...
Friday, February 02, 2007
Beautiful plants... Nice lessons....
Whatever happens, it always have a positive side... Today a nice incident happened which i truly enjoyed... To read more...
Click Here: It matters the way you see things...
If it doesn't work, please mail me: itsavm.paul@gmail.com
Click Here: It matters the way you see things...
If it doesn't work, please mail me: itsavm.paul@gmail.com
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Chill weather... Crowded city...And a beautiful girl!
This is about a girl who attracted my attention for a while when i was going to office one day morning... To read more...
Click Here: a beautiful girl on my way to office...
If it doesn't work, please mail me: itsavm.paul@gmail.com
Click Here: a beautiful girl on my way to office...
If it doesn't work, please mail me: itsavm.paul@gmail.com
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Moments with an old man...
It was an afternoon and i was standing in the Bus stop of this well known city. The hot sun rays were making people to move towards shadows of trees and bus stops here and there. I was not able to stand a long time under that hot sun. So i thought to move to stand under the bus stop shadow until my bus arrives. When i made my move, an elderly voice stopped me. "thambiii..." (if you dont understand that word, its sometimes usual way of calling a stranger in tamil)
The old man, who stopped me, looked very tired. His eyes were dark circled. He would be more than 60 years old.
"Son... i ashamed to ask this but i dont have any other option. i am from **** town and my son didn't want to take care of me. he asked me to get away from the house... so i got away from there. i came to this city thinking that i could work somewhere and earn something for my food. but since i am old, no one is ready to employee me even as a server in the hotel. they are telling what can you do in this old age. it had been four days since i had my food. i feel so hungry. i really didn't want to beg but i don't know what to do. because i feel so hungry, I was thinking whom i can ask... could you give something to get me some food, please..."
His voice was shivering and the words were struggling to come out from his mouth. Of course, he wasn't looking like a begger.
I could see the real hunger in his face. I really felt so pity about his situation. The way he talked really showed that he didn't like to beg but who can stand the hunger for a long time. That too in that kind of old age.
I just opened my purse and took some ** rupees notes ( i didnt count how many notes were there...) and gave it to him and said "Go and have some food...". He really got surprised by my action. He didn't expect that i would give him that much amount without even counting how much it was. I could see a sudden tears in his eyes.
Actually he wasn't crying but got over emotioned. He said "i... i spent all my lifetime and hardwork to make my son to become one of the important person in this society. now his wife has become more important to him... he didn't even hesitate to say 'get-away from here'... but you are someone stranger but ready to help me... i dont know how i could thank you..." He really wasn't able to talk more.
I smiled and said "you look so tired. first go and have some food..."
I have seen lot of persons who is not at all caring about their parents but to the outside world they would say lot of advices like "be like this... like that etc". I really hate persons who ignores their parents who truely worked hard to make him the best person in the society. I wonder how they tend to forget them and how they could be such a selfish fellow who don't even care about how they would feel or how it would hurt them.
I thought that "this is something that we should learn that we should not forget our parents who really helped us to reach such heights in the life and later letting them to beg like this even for their basic needs..." If our parents suffer even for their basic needs, we would never be blessed in our life. Thats what i feel...
Meantime, the bus, which i was waiting for, had come... so i ran to catch the bus... after some struggle with that huge crowd i got into the bus and i tried to see that old man through the back side window of the bus.
He was walking towards a hotel nearby.
The old man, who stopped me, looked very tired. His eyes were dark circled. He would be more than 60 years old.
"Son... i ashamed to ask this but i dont have any other option. i am from **** town and my son didn't want to take care of me. he asked me to get away from the house... so i got away from there. i came to this city thinking that i could work somewhere and earn something for my food. but since i am old, no one is ready to employee me even as a server in the hotel. they are telling what can you do in this old age. it had been four days since i had my food. i feel so hungry. i really didn't want to beg but i don't know what to do. because i feel so hungry, I was thinking whom i can ask... could you give something to get me some food, please..."
His voice was shivering and the words were struggling to come out from his mouth. Of course, he wasn't looking like a begger.
I could see the real hunger in his face. I really felt so pity about his situation. The way he talked really showed that he didn't like to beg but who can stand the hunger for a long time. That too in that kind of old age.
I just opened my purse and took some ** rupees notes ( i didnt count how many notes were there...) and gave it to him and said "Go and have some food...". He really got surprised by my action. He didn't expect that i would give him that much amount without even counting how much it was. I could see a sudden tears in his eyes.
Actually he wasn't crying but got over emotioned. He said "i... i spent all my lifetime and hardwork to make my son to become one of the important person in this society. now his wife has become more important to him... he didn't even hesitate to say 'get-away from here'... but you are someone stranger but ready to help me... i dont know how i could thank you..." He really wasn't able to talk more.
I smiled and said "you look so tired. first go and have some food..."
I have seen lot of persons who is not at all caring about their parents but to the outside world they would say lot of advices like "be like this... like that etc". I really hate persons who ignores their parents who truely worked hard to make him the best person in the society. I wonder how they tend to forget them and how they could be such a selfish fellow who don't even care about how they would feel or how it would hurt them.
I thought that "this is something that we should learn that we should not forget our parents who really helped us to reach such heights in the life and later letting them to beg like this even for their basic needs..." If our parents suffer even for their basic needs, we would never be blessed in our life. Thats what i feel...
Meantime, the bus, which i was waiting for, had come... so i ran to catch the bus... after some struggle with that huge crowd i got into the bus and i tried to see that old man through the back side window of the bus.
He was walking towards a hotel nearby.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
It was my birthday...
I don't know what time it was... I couldn't even realize where I was... It was quite dark... I couldn't see anything... but i could feel that there is some disturbance... which breaks the silence which was there until some seconds back... Some sound that is interrupting my state of mind... Something passes thru my ears and disturbing my mind... I was finding hard to open my eyes... then, suddenly i woke up! It was my phone that was ringing... I hardly moved to reach my mobile and tried to see who was calling...
"Santhosh Calling"
I could hardly see the blinking display on my mobile phone. I tried to see what time it was. The sleep that was left in my eyes blurs my vision. It was exactly midnight 12.00am of 5th November 2006!
"Hi..." I picked up the phone....
"Happy birthday da...", I felt so happy when i heard his voice... It was nice to have him as the first person to wish me on my birthday. The talk continued for some minutes.
Then when i hanged up the phone, a message arrived at my mobile saying "wishing you a very happy birthday paul", followed by another phone call saying "hey happy birthday..."
I really felt very good inside my mind that there are persons who thinks about me... and remembers me and my birthday... there are some persons who wakes up till mid-night to wish me warm greetings...
With lots of happiness in the mind i slept at that time and woke up in the morning a little early than usual and went to Church.
I started getting lot of calls from my friends and relatives on that day wishing me happy birthday.
When i got a call from my home, i could hear that my sister is singing happy birthday song for me over phone and i could also hear some musics played from her side... I was so excited and emotionally felt so happy inside for the kind of affection, love and care that my sisters, my mom and my brother-in-law having on me...
A week before itself, my sisters, my mom and brother-in-law have presented me a gold ring for my birthday which really made me so happy... In fact, i dont like wearning things like that but i love to wear the ring that they presented to me. That always makes me to remember that there are few persons in this world who thinks 'i am their world'. It makes me to remember 'I am so special and gifted with some persons who truely loves me and shows great affection and care towards me'. I feel very happy and glad inside whenever i feel the ring at my finger.
I even get calls from some friends whom i have never even thought that they would know my birthday. It showed that I really have some persons who remembers me. In fact, i started getting calls on 4th of November itself wishing me advance wishes for my birthday saying they might not able to call me on my birthday. That really made me to feel so very much happy that how much they truely like to wish me. Of course, some of my friends didn't call me whom i expected that they would remember my birthday... Perhaps they might be busy with their schedules... But i was glad to get some calls from some unexpected friends... that was great!
I felt that it is really good to have relationship with some persons who truely cherrish our friendship and makes us so happy on some special days... I was so glad on that day... I truely enjoyed my moments... I didnt go outside, but simply sitting at my room and enjoying the moments of getting wishes from my friends...
"Santhosh Calling"
I could hardly see the blinking display on my mobile phone. I tried to see what time it was. The sleep that was left in my eyes blurs my vision. It was exactly midnight 12.00am of 5th November 2006!
"Hi..." I picked up the phone....
"Happy birthday da...", I felt so happy when i heard his voice... It was nice to have him as the first person to wish me on my birthday. The talk continued for some minutes.
Then when i hanged up the phone, a message arrived at my mobile saying "wishing you a very happy birthday paul", followed by another phone call saying "hey happy birthday..."
I really felt very good inside my mind that there are persons who thinks about me... and remembers me and my birthday... there are some persons who wakes up till mid-night to wish me warm greetings...
With lots of happiness in the mind i slept at that time and woke up in the morning a little early than usual and went to Church.
I started getting lot of calls from my friends and relatives on that day wishing me happy birthday.
When i got a call from my home, i could hear that my sister is singing happy birthday song for me over phone and i could also hear some musics played from her side... I was so excited and emotionally felt so happy inside for the kind of affection, love and care that my sisters, my mom and my brother-in-law having on me...
A week before itself, my sisters, my mom and brother-in-law have presented me a gold ring for my birthday which really made me so happy... In fact, i dont like wearning things like that but i love to wear the ring that they presented to me. That always makes me to remember that there are few persons in this world who thinks 'i am their world'. It makes me to remember 'I am so special and gifted with some persons who truely loves me and shows great affection and care towards me'. I feel very happy and glad inside whenever i feel the ring at my finger.
I even get calls from some friends whom i have never even thought that they would know my birthday. It showed that I really have some persons who remembers me. In fact, i started getting calls on 4th of November itself wishing me advance wishes for my birthday saying they might not able to call me on my birthday. That really made me to feel so very much happy that how much they truely like to wish me. Of course, some of my friends didn't call me whom i expected that they would remember my birthday... Perhaps they might be busy with their schedules... But i was glad to get some calls from some unexpected friends... that was great!
I felt that it is really good to have relationship with some persons who truely cherrish our friendship and makes us so happy on some special days... I was so glad on that day... I truely enjoyed my moments... I didnt go outside, but simply sitting at my room and enjoying the moments of getting wishes from my friends...
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