Surrounded happiness..

Confirmation of the train tickets, arrival of my friends, eagerly waiting family, doubled excitements and happiness :) :) All the signs are showing that the vacation is going to be nice and happy.. what else you want for a happy vacation.. I'm happy that the year is completing in a nice way..

On top of all these things, yesterday my friend surprised me with a gift.. A gift from my wishlists :-) Looks like Santa thought about me on this Christmas.. Happiness and excitements got tripled.. :) :) :)

Sometimes I do feel over excited.. Looks like this is one of those times.. I don't feel like working.. If I rule the whole world, I will order, "Set the clock to 6pm.. NOW..!!" :)

This year has become one of the unforgettable years for many reasons.. Both on the happier and sad sides..

Will write a lot after coming back from vacation.. Happy holidays to you all.. Enjoy the chilled weather, the lovely mists, the joy of the holidays, the moments of togetherness, the surrounded happiness.. 

Wishing you a merry Christmas..

Cheers!!

Waiting for vacation..

Eagerly looking for the holidays.. Moments like this always keeps me on my toes and makes me feel like 'why the clock is ticking so slowly'.. All of a sudden I feel like 'oh my God!! a second is such a big time..' :-)

It has been almost 2 months since I visited my mom and sisters.. I'm excited that I can spend quality time with my family and friends after a long time. All my friends would be coming to Trichy, so the excitation is more this time. The train ticket is not yet got confirmed. Still in waiting list. But I'm hoping that it would get confirmed. I'm not feeling like working today or tomorrow though my official vacation starts only by 24th [ Ok.. Ok.. I can hear your voices saying 'as though you work on other days'.. Sometimes you shouldn't be talking loud guys.. My manager might hear :D ]

Still 30 hours more to go.. I want the count down to go fast but it is taking its own time :-(

Hope you all are having good time during this holiday season.. Happy holidays.. Enjoy your time with your loved ones, family and friends.. Cheers!!

Journey..

The days are moving along with tension. Sometimes (in fact, most of the times) the thoughts, assumptions and dreams don't match the realities. Though they appear to be reasonable and had logical proof points to make you feel as 'yes, your thinking is right..', the reality sometimes is completely different and will make you feel like 'you are completely wrong'..

Sometimes the reality becomes hard to accept. The realities make people to suffer. They make people to hate living. They make people to feel disappointed, sad and completely lost. I sometimes feel like 'I don't want realistic world.. let my dreams and thoughts become my own world..'! But that is never possible. It is a kiddish fairy tale wish.

One thing I learnt in my life is, though the realities are hard to accept, all it needs is little more time to make yourself getting used to what you are into. Lots of people don't realize it. They just get scared in the middle. When you are passing through the tunnel to reach the other side, you might have to travel in the dark. But that never means that your whole life will be dark. It never means that you wont see light any more. All it means that, 'just be patient.. travel through the dark.. but when you reach the other side, it will be bright, sunny and warm.. be little patient!!'

After a long time..

It has been a long time since I posted anything in this blog.. I'm nowadays more active on my Tamil blog, but that doesn't mean that I am not going to continue this blog.. It is just that I'm either not finding time to write here or not having some quality content to write [ but that shouldn't be a reason.. because if I look around, there are lots of things happening; so if I say that there is nothing to write, then it would mean that I have closed my eyes and living in my own world.. ] or both..

Wondering why this post is? It is just to resume my activities on this blog.. Both my personal and professional life have been very busy these days. Personal life is facing lots of ups and downs like the sea waves. However the journey has been quite OK.. Nothing to complaint..

As always, lots of things are making me wonder why this is happening.. why in my life.. why did I allow it etc.. But the other side of the mind keeps telling me that these are important in life to keep it interesting.. to make it lively.. There is no point in living a life as a kind of pre-planned tour. Yes, planning is important but at the same time the journey wouldn't be interesting and fun filled unless otherwise it has some last minute hurry, unexpected happenings, little tension, sweet surprises etc.. That tells my mind to be prepared for anything and enjoy everything. I'm internally preparing myself to face any kind of reality; but at the same time, taking effort to execute my own plans to make the life as the way I want it to be as much as possible.

So it has been quite a month.. Lots of learnings.. Lots of realizations.. Falling down.. Getting up.. Few wakeup calls.. Some mistakes.. Few corrections.. And the journey continues..

New Orkut - Its just cool..

You can read the post here...

Becoming judgmental..

Few days back, I was attending a training. Though I already know the concepts and other details of what they are going to teach, the situation forced me to attend again irrespective of me not having any interest. I was in the training room only for the attendance purpose.

Soon after the training has started, I started realizing that the trainer is not well versed in that training program. I was able to identify whenever he was making wrong points since I already have the knowledge on the subject being discussed there. When I started feeling that the trainer was fundamentally going in the wrong direction sometimes, I started raising my opinions through questions, so that not to touch his ego but at the same time I wanted the trainer to realize that the points he was trying to make is something that is unnecessary or irrelevant. The only reason why I wanted to correct him was that I didn't want those people, who are attending the training for the first time, to get trained with wrong points.

A little later, I realized that I became so judgmental that I wasn't able to focus my mind further on the training, perhaps because of the impression that the trainer has made so far. My sense of consciousness made me to start correcting whenever he tells something wrong. But soon I realized that it started bringing some annoyance in the room. Perhaps the people in the room might have wanted to move further with the training instead of me correcting the trainer most of the time.

I felt that 'may be I should calm down and let the training continue' since I have already made my points and shouldn't be hanging on it that can stop the training from moving on further. I, then, realized that its good to bring up the points what we feel is correct, but at the same time we should let things to go on since people, who are listening, have their own sense to decide what is right and what is wrong.

Though I wasn't able to concentrate much on the training, I kept quiet and let the training to continue. I felt that may be I shouldn't have attended the training and was little angry on those who made it mandatory and forced me to attend.

If you are wondering, 'what does this all mean', the answer is 'nothing'.. :-) I'm just telling what has happened. Perhaps the lesson would be not to try correcting someone too much. It is good to let them know what they might probably be doing wrong, but it is up to the person to change or correct him/herself. If I write anything further, it would mean that I'm trying to make my points stronger through this post :D so let me stop here :-)

Moments of surprises..

Last week when I went to Trichy, my native, it was just two days after my birthday. I didn't celebrate my birthday with my family since I was in Bangalore at that time. When I went there, my mom and sisters wanted to give me a surprise. So they had invited few of my close friends to our home to celebrate my birthday. Though they tried to keep it a secret to surprise me, somehow I came to know about it. What they don't know is that I knew about it. My sisters had asked my friends to bring the Cake since that would be a surprise when they come home.

One of my sister's birthday was just a week back. We didn't celebrate her birthday either since not everyone of my family were available at Trichy during her birthday. So I wanted to give them a surprise while they are excited thinking that they are going to give me a surprise. So I called my friends and asked them to buy another cake having birthday wishes for my sister on it..

The time arrived and my family members were excited to see surprising happiness in my face while I was getting ready to see double excitement in my sister's face because of the surprise that I'm going to give her.

My friends came.. My sisters said to me, "we are celebrating your birthday, so only they have come.. and here is the cake".. There was no another cake that my friends have brought. I guessed something. My sister, whose birthday was just a week back, opened the cake and an immediate surprising smile and happiness started spreading in her face.. and she said aloud with surprise.. "hey.. my name is also there in the cake".. My mom and other sisters were smiling at each other..

I told her with a smile, "well.. we are celebrating your birthday too".. You can see how happy she is in the picture at the time of cutting the cake.. When you give surprise to someone who is thinking of giving you surprise, you can see that the excitement gets doubled :) and I saw that in my sister's face that day..

Moments of happiness :)

Yet another birthday, * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * :)

My special thanks to Asha, Bala, Srimathi, Lawrence, Cyril, Kavi, Dom, Dolphin, Maha, Jaibal, Princy, Anna Sebastian and Anni, Simi and his wife Sharmila and Deepthimai for remembering my birthday and wishing me happiness.. That is very nice of you..

As usual, my mom, sisters and brother-in-law never forgets my birthday and wish me all the very best for my life.. I'm very glad to have such a lovely family who loves me more than the words can describe.. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sometimes back, one of my friend asked me why I'm not disclosing my birthday in any of my social networking sites.. I smiled and said him that I'm interested in quality wishes rather than quantity :) Those whoever wishes me remembers my birthday by themselves instead of my notifications making them remember my birthday.. :) That way, I always feel that there are few people who still think about me and remember to wish me on my birthday..

Though the day has just been like any other day, the thoughtfulness of you all to remember my birthday and wishing me happiness made me to be even more happier today (the 5th November).. As I always say, you have become one of the reasons for my smile today :) Thank you all once again..

PS: Thanks to Preethi, Jayaram, Praba and Sangeetha for wishing me just a day after :) Though you missed the right moment by a day, your thoughtfulness made me happy :)

PPS: Special thanks to Arun, Prabhu, Jai and Baskar for coming home to celebrate my birthday.. Very nice of you :)

Long time since..

It has been a long time since I blogged.. One or the other things always keeping me busy. When nothing is keeping me busy, laziness occupies my mind. Have been thinking of getting rid off this laziness but my efforts doesn't lost for more than a week..

Now I have decided that I would start taking efforts on some of my hobbies I'm passionate about. Photography.. Cooking.. Writing.. Reading.. [ all non-technical stuffs ].. And yes, I did go out to shoot something in my camera.. The photo that you see here is something that I took a week back. I'm happy about the way the picture has come. Visit my Flickr account if you are interested to see few more pictures, which I took recently. It is just a start though.. More to come :)

(Re)search within..

Everyone wants to reach some heights [ I'm not talking about vertical height :-) ] in their life.. But not everyone understands or realizes what they are best at.

While some people over-look on their skills and/or ability on something that they are not even good at, there are people who underestimates their real skills and abilities on which they are potentially good at which can take them to the life's greatest heights.Everyone has talents in something.

Identifying the skill in which you are really good at, which can change your life and can make you to get the world's attention.. It is that ability that can bring you whatever you are looking for in your life.. name.. fame.. money.. and what not..!

Lots of people surprise me by saying that they are good for nothing. Come on, gimme a break.. Why are you closing your eyes and saying that it is dark [ If it is a dark night, don't worry, the Sun will raise again in few hours ;-) ]... Open your eyes, there are lots of opportunities in front of you. You are good at what you are destined for. Do a little (re)search within yourself and start rocking the world..

What are you waiting for? THIS is the time!!

It depends on your inner mind..

Sometimes even though you try hard to forget some memories or thoughts, you just cannot. The reason is not because it is very difficult to forget. It is simply because your inner mind don't want to forget them even though you deliberately try hard.. It is just that some corner of your heart still wants and cherishes those memories and thoughts.. Bottom of the heart still feels good about those memories.. Because those memories are something that made you to feel how heaven would be..

Your inner mind don't want to lose those memories.. It still wants to look for even tiny possibilities to retain those relationships that are reason for those sweet memories.. The bottom of your heart still hopes that some magic will happen and everything will be back to its good old cherishable state.. It keeps on praying God for that magic to happen as soon as possible..

Because certain relationships are too expensive to lose.. Those relationships are something that you always wanted in your life.. You NEVER want to lose the person whom you have dreamed as your world.. because it will take life time to find such person again..

My heart is waiting for that magic to happen.. Will God make it happen? Fingers crossed..

It's different..

Sometime back I was out with my friend for lunch.. We ordered different food based on our taste.. While having the lunch, we both were tasting some sample of each other's food. He asked me, 'how is it..?', I said, 'ya. its good'.. In fact, it was really good and I liked the taste of the food that he ordered.

'So how is mine?', I asked him back. He thought for a second and replied with a smile, 'it is different'.. Though his reply directly meant that he didn't like that taste very much, his statements of "it is different" caught my attention. Most of the times, when someone asks me how something is, I have always had the habit of telling, 'yeah, its good..' (if I like it) or 'I personally didn't feel that it was good' (if I don't like it).. I mostly be careful and avoid the usage of the word 'bad' and I add the words 'I personally' to be more polite in my responses so that the other person wont feel bad about my response. I felt that his response was one of the best ways to express your opinion though you dont personally like something.

'Taste' or 'Like' etc never has defined dictionary meaning. It always carry customized meaning based on individual. Everyone is different. Each individual likes different things. Their taste vary. When that is the fact, how can someone ever say 'it isn't good or it is bad'.. Though I agree with the fact that, if someone says 'it isn't good' that directly means that it is their personal opinion. However thinking in the lines of 'it is different' brings more comfortability amoung people. It conveys the meaning in a better way that 'my taste is different' and yet you respect the other persons likes and tastes..

Isn't this lesson great.. I thought so and thats why this post :-)

Pain killers..

When you go through tough times in your life, you really need someone who can ease your pain by hearing your problems, giving shoulder to cry and more importantly cheering you up.. You need people who can be pain killers for your tough time.. Medicines cannot ease those pains because the wounds causing the problem is not something that science can capture.. It's emotional feeling that gets hurt.. The heart's painful noises are never heard by anyone else except the person who is facing the pain..

Friends are the best pain killers for your tough time.. Though they cannot solve your problem, they can atleast give you a hug that can console you.. They are the ones who tell you "hey there is another door opened.. lets go that way.." when you are staring at the closed door and feeling so down, blinking your eyes thinking 'what am I going to do now'.. They can cheer you up.. They can make you stand.. They can help you to refill your energy.. They can show 'thumps up' and tell you 'go on.. i'm backing you..'!!

It isn't that easy to get friends who help you emotionally during your tough time.. I'm glad that I'm blessed with such few friends.. When I'm feeling like i'm going through hell, I'm seeing a rope falling down from the sky holded by my friends and hearing their loud voice telling me 'come on.. hold it.. quick.. let us pull you up..'

God is great :-)

Life lessons..

[ Content removed for some reasons.. ]

Why do you wanna decorate the tomb with flowers?

tomb with flower
Originally uploaded by Wallyford

What is the point in decorating the tomb of your dear ones with flowers when you have deliberately missed all the opportunity given to you to make them feel special while they were alive..?

I have always seen that lots of people in this world never express their feelings to their loved ones, be it love, care, affection or whatsoever, when they are alive.. But they will try in all possible ways to show how truely they loved someone after they have gone. Why you people are being like that? What is wrong in expressing to your dear ones about your love, care or whatever you feel good about them when they are there? Why are you so afraid to make them feel special when they are alive in front of your eyes..?

How many times have you let your loved ones know how good you feel about them? When someone deserves to be told how special he/she is and how good he/she is, why you people are not taking the opportunities given to you to express him/her how special they are and how much you love him/her?

How do you think that a soul, which has passed away, will feel happy by you decorating the tomb with flowers when you didn't take any effort to tell them how worthy they are when they were alive?

Don't you think that you are doing the worst possible mistake in the world, which you can never correct, whenever you deliberately miss the opportunity to express what you feel about someone whenever you feel good about them..? Don't you think that a person, who is alive, deserves more than the tomb that contains just the corpse?

Learn to live the present moment that you got now.. Tell them that you love them when they deserve it.. Let them know that you care for them when they are alive.. Express how much affection you have towards someone when they are with you, not when they are gone.. Let them know how special they are when they truly deserve it.. Tell them how important they are in your life when they are in your life, not when they are gone away.. Why do you wanna control all your feelings and emotions..? Why do you wanna regret later? Now it is your choice...

Ended so soon :-)

I didn't think that this chapter will end so soon.. I'm so angry on the Author that He finished the chapter very soon when I hoping that there are lot more pages to go. I don't know why He decided to kill those characters whom I was eagerly looking forward in the upcoming chapters.

I know that the Author is well known for writing each and every chapter interesting irrespective of the characters appearing in that chapter. That makes me not to give up and tells me to go on further to read the upcoming chapters to see what is new and how the plot progresses.

But at this point, I'm filled with bit of disappointment and little emptiness, I think :-)

Looks like..

Looks like this is not what I want :-) Perhaps something else.. Though I say this, I'm still in confused state..

If you are finding difficulty to understand what I'm writing about, it is good.. Good for you, as long as you don't understand what I'm writing about.. If you understand, then perhaps I'm not writing what I wanted.. Confused??? My intention in this post is to write something that others not able to understand ;-)

Ok.. Enough fun.. Get back to life!!

Where is it going?

Is it what I really want..? I dunno. Feel like living in a world of illusions.. Will this get me what I want? Or is it just going to be 'yet another monsoon breeze'? Though I feel happy about it, the cells of experience is putting me on alert. At times, it even worries [ is 'worry' a right word to use here, dunno know] me..

What am I suppose to do? Go on..? by hoping that something good will happen..

Sometimes [ is it just sometimes or 'most of the times'? ] I feel that this is what I want in my life.. This is what would keep me happy.. But at the same time, I dunno why, I am little confused as what I should do.

I just couldn't understand the magic of life.. When I want to move away, it just follows me.. When I turn back, it just hides.. It gives me a feel of playing 'hide and seek' game in a sweet little winter night..

Here is yet another interesting part of my life.. A chapter with lots of excitements and twists that will make the readers to keep on turning the pages. Will these characters appear in the upcoming chapters..? God only knows :-)

Is God concentrating on quantity than quality?

There are people who are blind, not able to see the beauty of this world, yet surviving with their senses of hearing and talking.. There are people who are deaf, not able to hear the magic of the sound, yet surviving with their sense of sight (and possibly sometimes talking).. There are people who are dumb, not able to express what they feel, yet surviving with their senses of hearing and seeing.. These pattern, what people call as 'God's creation', always made me to wonder is it God concentrating more on quantity rather than quality? Instead of creating one deaf, one blind and one dumb persons, why cannot He create a single human being with all these capabilities?

Why is that He takes away the life of those who have high aspirations to live and leaving those who desparately wanting to die...

Is it that He is such a sadistic game player???

PS: This post is just to read and forget.. Don't chew these thoughts in the back of your mind.. Have good times :-)

Describe me in one line...

Write your comment in this post to describe me in one line... I'm just curious to know what people think about me..

Just write a single line comment [if that is something bad, u can write it as anonymous user ;-) ] in this post that best describes me :-) If you have read this, commenting is a must :-)

If you are reading this post through Google Reader / Feeds, post your comment in original blog :-)

Why am I staying alone?

Most of the times, my friends ask me, "how are you managing to stay alone?? aren't you bored..? don't you feel lonely?".. It is not that I want to stay alone. But it just happened so..

It is true that I feel lonely sometimes.. But at the same time, it helps me to do whatever I want to do.. To read without any disturbances.. To watch the movie or TV show of my taste.. To think.. To self-introspect.. To blog.. To hear music whenever I want to.. To switch it off if i don't want.. It just that it gives me lots of freedom..

In short, I can be 'just me' when I stay alone.. Nothing more.. Nothing less.. 'Just Me'.. I feel that sometimes such privacy is really required. It is true that staying with nice friends who matches your pulse gives you lots of joy and happiness. I do have such friends but they are not near me. In those circumstances, it is better to stay alone and enjoy the freedom rather than staying with persons who might just mess your life, isn't it? :-)

Some scene that bothered me...

Yesterday I was travelling in a train from Trichy to Bangalore. It was nearing midnight. My train stopped near a level crossing for a while. I glanced outside the window. The plants were dancing slowly in the gloomy night. I looked through the window on the other side. There was another train standing on the next parallel railway track. A little more than middle aged lady sitting near the toilet doors of a compartment in the other train got my attention. Her face was filled with sorrow and sadness.

Her hair was not combed properly.. Her face had lost the happiness.. Her dress was little dirty. Her appearance itself said that she was into deep sorrow and having an aimless journey.. Her eyes expressed lots of unspoken sadness. I dont know why, but I felt pity for her. I wished I could go, sit near her and ask, 'Why so sad?? You can share your sorrow with me if you think that it can make you feel light hearted!!'

In a short while, the train started moving.. So am I with a little heavy heart!!

Feeling restless...

I dont know.. but I have been feeling restless since yesterday!! Not able to say 'why'.. but it is just that some thoughts in the center of head is bothering me!! Blood is facing a little high pressure..

Feeling a kind of emptiness even though I have been talking to lots of friends.. A little tensed.. Not feeling hungry.. A slight headache now and then.. Seems that I'm really stressed a lot these days!! Somehow feeling that I'm wasting my times which I could otherwise spend on some technical preparations. Mixed thoughts about career and personal are flashing over and over again in my mind. It looks like I really need a break. May be in the form of making myself completely concentrating on something else.

Desparately waiting for this weekend. May be I can have some nice time with my mom and sisters!!

Letter to one of my nice friends..

Dear ******,

Well.. I dont know how to start but.. I just wanted to let you know that you have been a nice friend to me these days. I know that we might not be in touch as frequently as we were sometimes back.. My inner sense somehow says that we might not even get a chance to talk in future.. I dont know whether that is because of the situations that you are in or because of some intentions that you are upto or both. Because you have been showing some behavioral changes these days. The charming that you showed towards our friendship sometimes back is missing now a days.

I say this because somehow I started feeling that you were not like before, especially after our long conversation the other night. My senses somehow says that a gap started there and now it had gone to a greater extend, which makes me feel that it can never be bridged :-) It is not the ego that is stopping me from trying to resume the same level of friendship, it is just that I want to respect the decisions that you are taking. If I don't support what you are upto, then what is the point in being a friend. You are like a butterfly whose presense can make people smile and happy. I cannot be selfish to think just about my happiness and try to hold you back. So whatever the decisions that you are taking, I'm fine with that.

In whatever the case, I just wanted to let you know that I was very happy to be your friend even though it was a short period of time. I don't know whether someone ever told you how nice you are who can keep people around happy. Thanks for being so nice to me. I cherished your friendship. I felt happy whenever I was talking to you.

Not everyone becomes a reason for someone's smile. Only very few people makes others smile and happy. You are one such person. You had been a reason for my smile on few of these days. I am glad that I am given a chance in life to talk to one such person. Your nice and charming character has always made me happy. Good things about a person has to be told especially when they are there, not when they are gone. That is the reason why I am writing this.

I wish you all the best for everything. Have a nice and happy life.. Cheers :-)

Some diversions...

Nowadays I'm into some sort of diversion.. Not able to concentrate properly on anything.. Well, that doesn't mean that I'm in love :-) So don't starts thinking in that line. Something is keeping my mind busy.. bothering me a lot. I cannot really say what exactly is bothering me (my inner sense tells me 'dont say lie..' while typing this statement [grin]) .. But I'm worried about something that is constantly spinning in the back of my mind.

I know that i'm simply passing my times so often without doing anything useful. I'm finding very difficult to bring back my concentration. Might be, writing this post could become 'the break' i'm wanting to bring me back to normal :-) That is one of the reason why I'm writing this :-)

Whenever something is bothering you, you say it aloud. Share it with someone. Discuss about it with a nice friend. Tell it to the nature. Just express it by any means. You will start feeling light hearted. You can see that you are slowly coming out of that stress that have been bothering you. You can feel that you are no longer into that emotional battle. You can see that your mind gets cleared with fresh thoughts. You might even start thinking that whatever was bothering you is silly.. You might even laugh at yourself that 'I just cannot believe that such a silly thing was bothering me'..

Whenever something is bothering, expressing it explicitly can really help to get over it. Instead of keeping it inside your mind and constantly worrying about it, just share it with someone or express it by some means. You can see that you are out of it. You are back to normal :-) Am I??? Well, I have to wait and see ;-)

Emotionally upset..

Though I try to be a practical person most of the times, certain situations really makes me emotionally upset. Especially those situations that puts my loved ones in pain. When my dear ones suffer, it makes me feel emotionally upset even though I still take practical decisions to handle the situation.

More than the problems, what worries me a lot is the emotional sufferings that my dear ones go through. The stress that I undergo because of such situation is terrible.. It is always easy to deal with any situation if that just involves you. Especially when you are matured enough to take things easily. But if the same happens to your dear ones, God!! its terrible. Because you are always ready to take the pain, but when you see your loved ones suffer, you just cannot take it. Especially when they are not matured enough to take things easily. It just puts you under lots of pressure and stress to ease the pain. But when the problem is not under your control, what else can you do other than hoping for something good to happen. All you can pray to God is to give them the strength to handle the pain..

And, that is the kind of situation I'm in now. Today I'm emotionally very upset.. :-(

What seems to be 'little' can light someone's life...

This is one of the incidents that changed the way I live my life... So I thought that its worth writing, though its a bit lengthy one...

It had just been few days since one of the most famous actor's movie got released.. Though I am not a big fan of him, I said 'ok' to go to the movie since all my friends were so much interested to watch it. I took my nephew also with me.. We had good fun at the cost of Rs. 600 (the amount from my side including the ticket charge of Rs. 250 each for myself and my nephew). The movie was good. Though I normally wont prefer spending so much for movie tickets, I didn't mind about that spending (since we had good fun), until I met two elderly women later the same day.

The same day evening, when I was talking to one of my other friend at the roadside closer to my colony, we were interrupted by two elderly women. Both of them were very old. We were four guys standing there, my friend, my two nephews and myself, and chatting just like that. One of those two old women said that 'it had been more than two days since they had food and asked us to help them with some money so that they can buy something to eat'... They also told that they have been walking for a long time to reach their house which was around seven kilometers away from there. They didn't even have energy to walk, but they didn't have any other choice since they couldn't afford to travel in bus.

One of my nephews searched his pocket and gave them a five rupees coin. I felt pity on them and I really wanted to help them as much as I could. I reached out to my wallet and found that I had only one hundred rupees note left along with some changes. So I took hundred rupees and handed the same to her. She first thought that it was a ten rupees note. Since i felt that they both might not be having proper eye sight, I told them that it was a hundred rupees note. Because I didn't want them to get cheated by someone..

They both were very much excited and surprised since they didn't expect that I would give them that much. But what I felt inside was completely different. I was really sad that I couldn't give them more than that. Because I thought that 'this hundred rupees can help them for another two days max, but what will they do after that?'.. Whenever I help someone in their need, I always feel that "their need is addressed temporarily, but what are they going to do after that?" I worry about this especially whenever I see some old man/woman suffering. One of those two women, quickly took my hand and kissed to express her gratitude. Her eyes were filled with tears and she was telling us how she was treated badly by others when asked for help. The moments became bit emotional.

I started feeling bad that just few hours back we enjoyed like anything in cinema theater watching a movie paying Rs.250 per ticket, which I regretted that time. I could have watched the same movie after few weeks for just Rs.30. The money (Rs. 600) I spent on that movie could have helped those two old women to survive for at least few weeks.

More importantly the happiness that I get by helping such people is so much that it cannot be measured or compared with anything else. One side we spend lots of money on something just for fun, without even realizing that there are lots of people out there who are starving even for their 'very basic' needs. What I realized is that, I get much more happiness when I help such people in their need than the happiness that I try to generate by other means like going to cinema etc.

I also realized that I don't even have to restrict the spending on my own personal needs to help such people. It is more than enough if I stop spending on unnecessary things, which I otherwise term as 'lavish and luxurious spending'. This is just my perspective though..

That moment, I decided that I will never spend such big amount for watching movies.. Whenever such situation comes, I simply decide not to go to the movie (rather I prefer watching it sometime later at low cost) and I will treat it as a savings that I will use to help someone for whom that amount can be a life saver.. This is just an example. There could be lot of such situations in our day to day life where if we decide to sacrifice our little joy, it can be used to light someone's life, which eventually can bring much more joy and happiness into our life...

What we think as 'little' is really a fortune to someone who is starving for his/her basic needs.

When you become victim of a political game...

Oh boy!! I didn't expect that i would get trapped into such a big political game. I thought I have been very alert and taking right decisions. But I don't know how I made such a big mistake of trusting someone whom I shouldn't have trusted at all. How did I overlook while my inner consciousness was already keep telling me that the person is not worth my trust.

Oh boy.. Oh boy!! More than the disappointment of being betrayed, the feeling of becoming the victim of a political game is what hurting me a lot :-(

How did I miss the odds? Well... At least now, I realized it.. It is better now than later.. In that way, I'm happy, however I do not want to miss the lesson of not to trust someone if you already know that the person is a selfish who can do anything if that can gain him/her advantages over you. Especially if it is in official world, you gotta be really careful.

Oh man.. I'm losing my sleeps... I'm so much tensed at the moment (that's why I am posting this at 1.17am in the midnight). I know that I cannot do much about what had already happened. Now I got into a mood that "I don't care any more about what is happening or what has happened..." All I care about is that i gotta be serious and steady on what I really want and start concentrating on... [ F**k you those who are trying to use me as a toy for your own selfish reason... One day you will be paid off, it might not be by me, but definitely you will be taught some lessons by someone ]

When things doesn't go right...

Most of the times, I have seen people get upset when things doesn't happen the way they expected them to happen.. At times, even I also get upset but sooner i would realize that it didn't happen that way for some reason. Perhaps that reason might be, I missed out something that I am supposed to take care, in which case it is a 'lessons learnt from experience', or something better is going to happen, so it might seem to be a disappointment for a while but it is really not. I always believe that, if something doesn't happen the way we expected it to happen irrespective of we taking care of everything, it is for some good reason. I strongly believe in that. You can definitely expect something better to happen in the near future or sometime later..

If I look back at my life, there had been such disappointments whenever something doesn't seem to go in the right direction. But sooner or later, I have always got whatever I wanted in my life. Sometimes better than what I expected.. Think good, do good, make your best efforts, expect good to happen, and don't worry so much about the results [ did you notice that, i said dont worry so much; I didn't say don't worry at all, because in a practical world, the feeling of disappointment is inevitable if our efforts doesn't succeed... I just suggest not to get affected so much by the results, because things happen for good reasons only ]... Sooner or later, you can realize that your efforts paying you off in a very positive way.. Don't let your results drive you... Instead learn the lesson, and move on. You can see that what you wanted follows you...

Gotta learn to move on...

Few days back, when I was talking to one of my friends, I came to know that one of our other friends, who was close friend during college days, gonna get married on coming 20th. While I felt very happy for him that he is going to get married, it was disappointing that he didn't even think of informing or inviting me. In fact, he didn't inform my other friend also with whom I was talking to. That guy came to know from someone else...

Even though we were very good friends during college days, things started changing when professional life started.. My contact with few of my very close friends started getting weak and one day it just lost. It wasn't that i was not trying to contact them. I gave up on them when I started realizing that it is always me who was holding the friendship and try calling them again and again, they never used to call me or think of me. If i don't call them, they just don't bother. They don't even think of calling me back and ask 'what happened? why no calls?'. The moment i get that feel, i just give up. Those moments will just make me feel that they are happy with their new life and I gotta find ways to keep myself busy, find new friends and go on in life...

In the case that I mentioned in the begining, we were in touch for few months after college days. But somehow the contact between us got lost. After several months, I called him back and tried to resume the contact. I even visited his place. Had some good time. Then again the contact between us started losing. When he went to abroad for some assignements, thats it. He neither contacted me while he was there nor he informed me once he came back.

But I was hoping that he would call me when his marriage gets fixed. But that was a disappointment that i had to know from my other friends that he is going to get married.

I always wondered why it is happening. The moment each other's world becomes different, things started getting changed. Neither he nor me depends on each other. Not even for friendship, because people get their own set of new friends. The feeling of friendship just starts to fade. But life still goes on. Only those who gets committed too much into a friendship suffers, thinking why this happens.

But it happens. Gotta learn to move on. It is the way life is :-)

Whats happening with me?

I don't know why, but most often I have been perceived as rude person in my official world [ I don't know how my friends are perceiving me, it is really a big question to be asked now :-( ]. I intentionally try to be more perfect and straight forward at official world, since I personally feel that business demands people to be perfect. But why is that perceived as rude??? I don't understand? My intention has never been to be rude with anyone. 

Is there something really wrong with me? I be nice to the people who are nice. But how can I be nice with those who really pisses me off by either trying to show-off as though they are the boss for everyone and everything or trying to supress me or trying to push their work onto me but still trying to take credit for that work or trying to take advantage of me? How questioning if someone does something wrong can be perceived as rude approach? I dunno. I don't face this problem with people who are being perfect and straight forward.

I do tolerate people even if they are not perfect in my personal world, but is it a big crime to expect people to be perfect in their work at offical world??

I think, I have to take this as an opportunity to revisit myself and watch closely to understand myself better to be as much nice to people as possible.

If you, the person reading this post, are one of my friend who gets connected with me personally, i would like to know what you feel about me. Am I really being rude in my approaches? Perhaps, you can leave an anonymous comment about what you feel abt me? That can help me to understand myself and become better...