It depends on your inner mind..

Sometimes even though you try hard to forget some memories or thoughts, you just cannot. The reason is not because it is very difficult to forget. It is simply because your inner mind don't want to forget them even though you deliberately try hard.. It is just that some corner of your heart still wants and cherishes those memories and thoughts.. Bottom of the heart still feels good about those memories.. Because those memories are something that made you to feel how heaven would be..

Your inner mind don't want to lose those memories.. It still wants to look for even tiny possibilities to retain those relationships that are reason for those sweet memories.. The bottom of your heart still hopes that some magic will happen and everything will be back to its good old cherishable state.. It keeps on praying God for that magic to happen as soon as possible..

Because certain relationships are too expensive to lose.. Those relationships are something that you always wanted in your life.. You NEVER want to lose the person whom you have dreamed as your world.. because it will take life time to find such person again..

My heart is waiting for that magic to happen.. Will God make it happen? Fingers crossed..

It's different..

Sometime back I was out with my friend for lunch.. We ordered different food based on our taste.. While having the lunch, we both were tasting some sample of each other's food. He asked me, 'how is it..?', I said, 'ya. its good'.. In fact, it was really good and I liked the taste of the food that he ordered.

'So how is mine?', I asked him back. He thought for a second and replied with a smile, 'it is different'.. Though his reply directly meant that he didn't like that taste very much, his statements of "it is different" caught my attention. Most of the times, when someone asks me how something is, I have always had the habit of telling, 'yeah, its good..' (if I like it) or 'I personally didn't feel that it was good' (if I don't like it).. I mostly be careful and avoid the usage of the word 'bad' and I add the words 'I personally' to be more polite in my responses so that the other person wont feel bad about my response. I felt that his response was one of the best ways to express your opinion though you dont personally like something.

'Taste' or 'Like' etc never has defined dictionary meaning. It always carry customized meaning based on individual. Everyone is different. Each individual likes different things. Their taste vary. When that is the fact, how can someone ever say 'it isn't good or it is bad'.. Though I agree with the fact that, if someone says 'it isn't good' that directly means that it is their personal opinion. However thinking in the lines of 'it is different' brings more comfortability amoung people. It conveys the meaning in a better way that 'my taste is different' and yet you respect the other persons likes and tastes..

Isn't this lesson great.. I thought so and thats why this post :-)

Pain killers..

When you go through tough times in your life, you really need someone who can ease your pain by hearing your problems, giving shoulder to cry and more importantly cheering you up.. You need people who can be pain killers for your tough time.. Medicines cannot ease those pains because the wounds causing the problem is not something that science can capture.. It's emotional feeling that gets hurt.. The heart's painful noises are never heard by anyone else except the person who is facing the pain..

Friends are the best pain killers for your tough time.. Though they cannot solve your problem, they can atleast give you a hug that can console you.. They are the ones who tell you "hey there is another door opened.. lets go that way.." when you are staring at the closed door and feeling so down, blinking your eyes thinking 'what am I going to do now'.. They can cheer you up.. They can make you stand.. They can help you to refill your energy.. They can show 'thumps up' and tell you 'go on.. i'm backing you..'!!

It isn't that easy to get friends who help you emotionally during your tough time.. I'm glad that I'm blessed with such few friends.. When I'm feeling like i'm going through hell, I'm seeing a rope falling down from the sky holded by my friends and hearing their loud voice telling me 'come on.. hold it.. quick.. let us pull you up..'

God is great :-)

Life lessons..

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Why do you wanna decorate the tomb with flowers?

tomb with flower
Originally uploaded by Wallyford

What is the point in decorating the tomb of your dear ones with flowers when you have deliberately missed all the opportunity given to you to make them feel special while they were alive..?

I have always seen that lots of people in this world never express their feelings to their loved ones, be it love, care, affection or whatsoever, when they are alive.. But they will try in all possible ways to show how truely they loved someone after they have gone. Why you people are being like that? What is wrong in expressing to your dear ones about your love, care or whatever you feel good about them when they are there? Why are you so afraid to make them feel special when they are alive in front of your eyes..?

How many times have you let your loved ones know how good you feel about them? When someone deserves to be told how special he/she is and how good he/she is, why you people are not taking the opportunities given to you to express him/her how special they are and how much you love him/her?

How do you think that a soul, which has passed away, will feel happy by you decorating the tomb with flowers when you didn't take any effort to tell them how worthy they are when they were alive?

Don't you think that you are doing the worst possible mistake in the world, which you can never correct, whenever you deliberately miss the opportunity to express what you feel about someone whenever you feel good about them..? Don't you think that a person, who is alive, deserves more than the tomb that contains just the corpse?

Learn to live the present moment that you got now.. Tell them that you love them when they deserve it.. Let them know that you care for them when they are alive.. Express how much affection you have towards someone when they are with you, not when they are gone.. Let them know how special they are when they truly deserve it.. Tell them how important they are in your life when they are in your life, not when they are gone away.. Why do you wanna control all your feelings and emotions..? Why do you wanna regret later? Now it is your choice...

Ended so soon :-)

I didn't think that this chapter will end so soon.. I'm so angry on the Author that He finished the chapter very soon when I hoping that there are lot more pages to go. I don't know why He decided to kill those characters whom I was eagerly looking forward in the upcoming chapters.

I know that the Author is well known for writing each and every chapter interesting irrespective of the characters appearing in that chapter. That makes me not to give up and tells me to go on further to read the upcoming chapters to see what is new and how the plot progresses.

But at this point, I'm filled with bit of disappointment and little emptiness, I think :-)

Looks like..

Looks like this is not what I want :-) Perhaps something else.. Though I say this, I'm still in confused state..

If you are finding difficulty to understand what I'm writing about, it is good.. Good for you, as long as you don't understand what I'm writing about.. If you understand, then perhaps I'm not writing what I wanted.. Confused??? My intention in this post is to write something that others not able to understand ;-)

Ok.. Enough fun.. Get back to life!!

Where is it going?

Is it what I really want..? I dunno. Feel like living in a world of illusions.. Will this get me what I want? Or is it just going to be 'yet another monsoon breeze'? Though I feel happy about it, the cells of experience is putting me on alert. At times, it even worries [ is 'worry' a right word to use here, dunno know] me..

What am I suppose to do? Go on..? by hoping that something good will happen..

Sometimes [ is it just sometimes or 'most of the times'? ] I feel that this is what I want in my life.. This is what would keep me happy.. But at the same time, I dunno why, I am little confused as what I should do.

I just couldn't understand the magic of life.. When I want to move away, it just follows me.. When I turn back, it just hides.. It gives me a feel of playing 'hide and seek' game in a sweet little winter night..

Here is yet another interesting part of my life.. A chapter with lots of excitements and twists that will make the readers to keep on turning the pages. Will these characters appear in the upcoming chapters..? God only knows :-)

Is God concentrating on quantity than quality?

There are people who are blind, not able to see the beauty of this world, yet surviving with their senses of hearing and talking.. There are people who are deaf, not able to hear the magic of the sound, yet surviving with their sense of sight (and possibly sometimes talking).. There are people who are dumb, not able to express what they feel, yet surviving with their senses of hearing and seeing.. These pattern, what people call as 'God's creation', always made me to wonder is it God concentrating more on quantity rather than quality? Instead of creating one deaf, one blind and one dumb persons, why cannot He create a single human being with all these capabilities?

Why is that He takes away the life of those who have high aspirations to live and leaving those who desparately wanting to die...

Is it that He is such a sadistic game player???

PS: This post is just to read and forget.. Don't chew these thoughts in the back of your mind.. Have good times :-)

Describe me in one line...

Write your comment in this post to describe me in one line... I'm just curious to know what people think about me..

Just write a single line comment [if that is something bad, u can write it as anonymous user ;-) ] in this post that best describes me :-) If you have read this, commenting is a must :-)

If you are reading this post through Google Reader / Feeds, post your comment in original blog :-)

Why am I staying alone?

Most of the times, my friends ask me, "how are you managing to stay alone?? aren't you bored..? don't you feel lonely?".. It is not that I want to stay alone. But it just happened so..

It is true that I feel lonely sometimes.. But at the same time, it helps me to do whatever I want to do.. To read without any disturbances.. To watch the movie or TV show of my taste.. To think.. To self-introspect.. To blog.. To hear music whenever I want to.. To switch it off if i don't want.. It just that it gives me lots of freedom..

In short, I can be 'just me' when I stay alone.. Nothing more.. Nothing less.. 'Just Me'.. I feel that sometimes such privacy is really required. It is true that staying with nice friends who matches your pulse gives you lots of joy and happiness. I do have such friends but they are not near me. In those circumstances, it is better to stay alone and enjoy the freedom rather than staying with persons who might just mess your life, isn't it? :-)

Some scene that bothered me...

Yesterday I was travelling in a train from Trichy to Bangalore. It was nearing midnight. My train stopped near a level crossing for a while. I glanced outside the window. The plants were dancing slowly in the gloomy night. I looked through the window on the other side. There was another train standing on the next parallel railway track. A little more than middle aged lady sitting near the toilet doors of a compartment in the other train got my attention. Her face was filled with sorrow and sadness.

Her hair was not combed properly.. Her face had lost the happiness.. Her dress was little dirty. Her appearance itself said that she was into deep sorrow and having an aimless journey.. Her eyes expressed lots of unspoken sadness. I dont know why, but I felt pity for her. I wished I could go, sit near her and ask, 'Why so sad?? You can share your sorrow with me if you think that it can make you feel light hearted!!'

In a short while, the train started moving.. So am I with a little heavy heart!!

Feeling restless...

I dont know.. but I have been feeling restless since yesterday!! Not able to say 'why'.. but it is just that some thoughts in the center of head is bothering me!! Blood is facing a little high pressure..

Feeling a kind of emptiness even though I have been talking to lots of friends.. A little tensed.. Not feeling hungry.. A slight headache now and then.. Seems that I'm really stressed a lot these days!! Somehow feeling that I'm wasting my times which I could otherwise spend on some technical preparations. Mixed thoughts about career and personal are flashing over and over again in my mind. It looks like I really need a break. May be in the form of making myself completely concentrating on something else.

Desparately waiting for this weekend. May be I can have some nice time with my mom and sisters!!

Letter to one of my nice friends..

Dear ******,

Well.. I dont know how to start but.. I just wanted to let you know that you have been a nice friend to me these days. I know that we might not be in touch as frequently as we were sometimes back.. My inner sense somehow says that we might not even get a chance to talk in future.. I dont know whether that is because of the situations that you are in or because of some intentions that you are upto or both. Because you have been showing some behavioral changes these days. The charming that you showed towards our friendship sometimes back is missing now a days.

I say this because somehow I started feeling that you were not like before, especially after our long conversation the other night. My senses somehow says that a gap started there and now it had gone to a greater extend, which makes me feel that it can never be bridged :-) It is not the ego that is stopping me from trying to resume the same level of friendship, it is just that I want to respect the decisions that you are taking. If I don't support what you are upto, then what is the point in being a friend. You are like a butterfly whose presense can make people smile and happy. I cannot be selfish to think just about my happiness and try to hold you back. So whatever the decisions that you are taking, I'm fine with that.

In whatever the case, I just wanted to let you know that I was very happy to be your friend even though it was a short period of time. I don't know whether someone ever told you how nice you are who can keep people around happy. Thanks for being so nice to me. I cherished your friendship. I felt happy whenever I was talking to you.

Not everyone becomes a reason for someone's smile. Only very few people makes others smile and happy. You are one such person. You had been a reason for my smile on few of these days. I am glad that I am given a chance in life to talk to one such person. Your nice and charming character has always made me happy. Good things about a person has to be told especially when they are there, not when they are gone. That is the reason why I am writing this.

I wish you all the best for everything. Have a nice and happy life.. Cheers :-)

Some diversions...

Nowadays I'm into some sort of diversion.. Not able to concentrate properly on anything.. Well, that doesn't mean that I'm in love :-) So don't starts thinking in that line. Something is keeping my mind busy.. bothering me a lot. I cannot really say what exactly is bothering me (my inner sense tells me 'dont say lie..' while typing this statement [grin]) .. But I'm worried about something that is constantly spinning in the back of my mind.

I know that i'm simply passing my times so often without doing anything useful. I'm finding very difficult to bring back my concentration. Might be, writing this post could become 'the break' i'm wanting to bring me back to normal :-) That is one of the reason why I'm writing this :-)

Whenever something is bothering you, you say it aloud. Share it with someone. Discuss about it with a nice friend. Tell it to the nature. Just express it by any means. You will start feeling light hearted. You can see that you are slowly coming out of that stress that have been bothering you. You can feel that you are no longer into that emotional battle. You can see that your mind gets cleared with fresh thoughts. You might even start thinking that whatever was bothering you is silly.. You might even laugh at yourself that 'I just cannot believe that such a silly thing was bothering me'..

Whenever something is bothering, expressing it explicitly can really help to get over it. Instead of keeping it inside your mind and constantly worrying about it, just share it with someone or express it by some means. You can see that you are out of it. You are back to normal :-) Am I??? Well, I have to wait and see ;-)

Emotionally upset..

Though I try to be a practical person most of the times, certain situations really makes me emotionally upset. Especially those situations that puts my loved ones in pain. When my dear ones suffer, it makes me feel emotionally upset even though I still take practical decisions to handle the situation.

More than the problems, what worries me a lot is the emotional sufferings that my dear ones go through. The stress that I undergo because of such situation is terrible.. It is always easy to deal with any situation if that just involves you. Especially when you are matured enough to take things easily. But if the same happens to your dear ones, God!! its terrible. Because you are always ready to take the pain, but when you see your loved ones suffer, you just cannot take it. Especially when they are not matured enough to take things easily. It just puts you under lots of pressure and stress to ease the pain. But when the problem is not under your control, what else can you do other than hoping for something good to happen. All you can pray to God is to give them the strength to handle the pain..

And, that is the kind of situation I'm in now. Today I'm emotionally very upset.. :-(

What seems to be 'little' can light someone's life...

This is one of the incidents that changed the way I live my life... So I thought that its worth writing, though its a bit lengthy one...

It had just been few days since one of the most famous actor's movie got released.. Though I am not a big fan of him, I said 'ok' to go to the movie since all my friends were so much interested to watch it. I took my nephew also with me.. We had good fun at the cost of Rs. 600 (the amount from my side including the ticket charge of Rs. 250 each for myself and my nephew). The movie was good. Though I normally wont prefer spending so much for movie tickets, I didn't mind about that spending (since we had good fun), until I met two elderly women later the same day.

The same day evening, when I was talking to one of my other friend at the roadside closer to my colony, we were interrupted by two elderly women. Both of them were very old. We were four guys standing there, my friend, my two nephews and myself, and chatting just like that. One of those two old women said that 'it had been more than two days since they had food and asked us to help them with some money so that they can buy something to eat'... They also told that they have been walking for a long time to reach their house which was around seven kilometers away from there. They didn't even have energy to walk, but they didn't have any other choice since they couldn't afford to travel in bus.

One of my nephews searched his pocket and gave them a five rupees coin. I felt pity on them and I really wanted to help them as much as I could. I reached out to my wallet and found that I had only one hundred rupees note left along with some changes. So I took hundred rupees and handed the same to her. She first thought that it was a ten rupees note. Since i felt that they both might not be having proper eye sight, I told them that it was a hundred rupees note. Because I didn't want them to get cheated by someone..

They both were very much excited and surprised since they didn't expect that I would give them that much. But what I felt inside was completely different. I was really sad that I couldn't give them more than that. Because I thought that 'this hundred rupees can help them for another two days max, but what will they do after that?'.. Whenever I help someone in their need, I always feel that "their need is addressed temporarily, but what are they going to do after that?" I worry about this especially whenever I see some old man/woman suffering. One of those two women, quickly took my hand and kissed to express her gratitude. Her eyes were filled with tears and she was telling us how she was treated badly by others when asked for help. The moments became bit emotional.

I started feeling bad that just few hours back we enjoyed like anything in cinema theater watching a movie paying Rs.250 per ticket, which I regretted that time. I could have watched the same movie after few weeks for just Rs.30. The money (Rs. 600) I spent on that movie could have helped those two old women to survive for at least few weeks.

More importantly the happiness that I get by helping such people is so much that it cannot be measured or compared with anything else. One side we spend lots of money on something just for fun, without even realizing that there are lots of people out there who are starving even for their 'very basic' needs. What I realized is that, I get much more happiness when I help such people in their need than the happiness that I try to generate by other means like going to cinema etc.

I also realized that I don't even have to restrict the spending on my own personal needs to help such people. It is more than enough if I stop spending on unnecessary things, which I otherwise term as 'lavish and luxurious spending'. This is just my perspective though..

That moment, I decided that I will never spend such big amount for watching movies.. Whenever such situation comes, I simply decide not to go to the movie (rather I prefer watching it sometime later at low cost) and I will treat it as a savings that I will use to help someone for whom that amount can be a life saver.. This is just an example. There could be lot of such situations in our day to day life where if we decide to sacrifice our little joy, it can be used to light someone's life, which eventually can bring much more joy and happiness into our life...

What we think as 'little' is really a fortune to someone who is starving for his/her basic needs.

When you become victim of a political game...

Oh boy!! I didn't expect that i would get trapped into such a big political game. I thought I have been very alert and taking right decisions. But I don't know how I made such a big mistake of trusting someone whom I shouldn't have trusted at all. How did I overlook while my inner consciousness was already keep telling me that the person is not worth my trust.

Oh boy.. Oh boy!! More than the disappointment of being betrayed, the feeling of becoming the victim of a political game is what hurting me a lot :-(

How did I miss the odds? Well... At least now, I realized it.. It is better now than later.. In that way, I'm happy, however I do not want to miss the lesson of not to trust someone if you already know that the person is a selfish who can do anything if that can gain him/her advantages over you. Especially if it is in official world, you gotta be really careful.

Oh man.. I'm losing my sleeps... I'm so much tensed at the moment (that's why I am posting this at 1.17am in the midnight). I know that I cannot do much about what had already happened. Now I got into a mood that "I don't care any more about what is happening or what has happened..." All I care about is that i gotta be serious and steady on what I really want and start concentrating on... [ F**k you those who are trying to use me as a toy for your own selfish reason... One day you will be paid off, it might not be by me, but definitely you will be taught some lessons by someone ]

When things doesn't go right...

Most of the times, I have seen people get upset when things doesn't happen the way they expected them to happen.. At times, even I also get upset but sooner i would realize that it didn't happen that way for some reason. Perhaps that reason might be, I missed out something that I am supposed to take care, in which case it is a 'lessons learnt from experience', or something better is going to happen, so it might seem to be a disappointment for a while but it is really not. I always believe that, if something doesn't happen the way we expected it to happen irrespective of we taking care of everything, it is for some good reason. I strongly believe in that. You can definitely expect something better to happen in the near future or sometime later..

If I look back at my life, there had been such disappointments whenever something doesn't seem to go in the right direction. But sooner or later, I have always got whatever I wanted in my life. Sometimes better than what I expected.. Think good, do good, make your best efforts, expect good to happen, and don't worry so much about the results [ did you notice that, i said dont worry so much; I didn't say don't worry at all, because in a practical world, the feeling of disappointment is inevitable if our efforts doesn't succeed... I just suggest not to get affected so much by the results, because things happen for good reasons only ]... Sooner or later, you can realize that your efforts paying you off in a very positive way.. Don't let your results drive you... Instead learn the lesson, and move on. You can see that what you wanted follows you...

Gotta learn to move on...

Few days back, when I was talking to one of my friends, I came to know that one of our other friends, who was close friend during college days, gonna get married on coming 20th. While I felt very happy for him that he is going to get married, it was disappointing that he didn't even think of informing or inviting me. In fact, he didn't inform my other friend also with whom I was talking to. That guy came to know from someone else...

Even though we were very good friends during college days, things started changing when professional life started.. My contact with few of my very close friends started getting weak and one day it just lost. It wasn't that i was not trying to contact them. I gave up on them when I started realizing that it is always me who was holding the friendship and try calling them again and again, they never used to call me or think of me. If i don't call them, they just don't bother. They don't even think of calling me back and ask 'what happened? why no calls?'. The moment i get that feel, i just give up. Those moments will just make me feel that they are happy with their new life and I gotta find ways to keep myself busy, find new friends and go on in life...

In the case that I mentioned in the begining, we were in touch for few months after college days. But somehow the contact between us got lost. After several months, I called him back and tried to resume the contact. I even visited his place. Had some good time. Then again the contact between us started losing. When he went to abroad for some assignements, thats it. He neither contacted me while he was there nor he informed me once he came back.

But I was hoping that he would call me when his marriage gets fixed. But that was a disappointment that i had to know from my other friends that he is going to get married.

I always wondered why it is happening. The moment each other's world becomes different, things started getting changed. Neither he nor me depends on each other. Not even for friendship, because people get their own set of new friends. The feeling of friendship just starts to fade. But life still goes on. Only those who gets committed too much into a friendship suffers, thinking why this happens.

But it happens. Gotta learn to move on. It is the way life is :-)