Saturday, May 21, 2011

The unsaid..

I have been thinking why I'am feeling very depressed nowadays. I feel that I don't have any close friend. Of course, I have some best friends but close..? None..! I have never seen someone opening up to me by themselves to make me feel that I have a close friendship with them. I just noticed that so far it has always been me who open up and talk everything about myself to them.. Now only I'm realizing that those to whom I used to open up so far have always been listeners.. They have never mutually talked.. Perhaps they don't mutually feel the same closeness with me.. May be, I have some problem.. May be the way I'm isn't good enough for someone to feel close friendship with me..? Honestly, I don't know..

But right now, I feel extreme of loneliness.. it is a venomous feeling.. An extreme depression that makes me feel that no soul in this world is there for me.. I have no idea why I feel so, but that feeling is hitting me so badly that I'm finding really difficult to continue my existence. I know this is not good, but I couldn't help myself.

No close friends.. Nobody is there to share your pain to ask for help to take you out of this hell.. And at last, the only hope you ever had, your love, is also leaving you.. When your love, the last hope, also leaves you, its a real pathetic situation to handle.. The state of life becomes really miserable. May be I have let it to become miserable myself.. There is no one to blame but myself.

I hate everyone.. I hate everything.. I have no idea why I have developed such a negative and hatred feeling towards life. May be I'm fed up. I have given up on everything.. But even then I'm holding my last breath blindly believing that some magic may happen and everything will be just alright.. But how long would I possibly be holding it..? May be, a magic might really happen sooner or later. If it is 'sooner', its better. but 'later'...? it might be too late.


  1. Anonymous3:12 AM

    Hey.. dear ..Paul ...i can tell you one thing that.. there is at-least one person in your life who things and prayers for you.. reads you blogs.. even if you had ignored them quite some years back without understanding .. The reality is unknown still..the Broken Friendship...Still i can feel how you made me happy those days and you Stupid and funny Talks...Really Missing you soo much.. paul..

  2. Nothing will be same...everything vl be change at every time..! NOthing in our hand..Even our life..!