Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Trust - In my opinion..

I don't understand why people afraid to ask question thinking that the other person might feel bad because trust on them is questioned.. How can asking question mean 'distrust'ing someone.. Trust doesn't mean that you should not question on what someone (whom you trust) does/says/suggests even though you have no idea of why they do/say/suggest. Well, its just my opinion.. Trust never means blindness. If you don't understand, you can very well ask for clarification.

I feel that trust is about the intention of the person. If you trust someone, it just means that you believe their intention. You believe that they will try their best to do things that wont affect you. You believe that they don't harm you intentionally. Trust never means that you shouldn't be asking clarifications on what they do or what they say or what they suggest if you don't understand. It never means that you simply have to follow what they tell you. When you don't understand or don't have clue of what it is all about, there is nothing wrong in asking the question of, 'why is it so..?' or 'what does this mean..?' etc..

If you accept or follow what the other person says without completely understanding what it is all about, I personally term it as 'blindness'.. It ain't trust. Trust makes you feel comfortable to ask for clarifications when you don't understand. It gives you the comfortability to ask right question. If you are wondering, 'well.. I can very well question someone whom I don't trust as well, then whats the difference..?' The point is, when you trust someone, you believe that their intention is good. You believe that their reply for your question will convince you in the positive way. That is what trust is all about. It never means 'not to question'.. It just means that 'not to question the intention'..

Just because you trust somebody, doesn't mean that they might not have overlooked something. Though their intention is good, they might have very well overlooked something because they are also human beings. When you discuss and try to understand things, probably you can find out what they are missing, though they didn't miss it intentionally. If a person is trust worthy, he/she never feels bad to explain you about why they do it. They will definitely consider the points you are bringing. Because their intention is good. I don't think that, just because you trust somebody you can just follow their instruction to sail your boat without questioning which might unknowingly take you to a water falls..

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

"It's OK, Dear!" never means "you can do it again"!!

Sometimes an easy forgiveness allows people to do the same mistake again and again.. May be because it gives a feeling that "anyway I will be excused, so why to worry..!" I tend to think that if someone gets an excuse easily even before they really feel guilty about what they have done or said, it seems that there is no way that they are going to correct themselves. Probably because the situation is easily handled for them and they are not given a chance to sit_and_think about what they have done and why they shouldn't be repeating it again.

When there are people who take even an excuse (by excuse, I mean both forgiveness and exceptional 'its ok' for what they have done/said), which they get after a lots of effort, as take it for granted; it doesn't surprise to say that people might treat an easy excuse as a cakewalk most of the times. I believe people correct themselves only when they internally realize what they have done/said and really feel for it.

I think that sometimes tolerating or forgiving someone's _not_so_nice_action_ is resulting in them not to realize how it affects/hurts someone else's feelings. Soft spoken words of "its ok, dear" with a gentle smile never means that you are allowed to repeat it again. It never means that it is any less pain or suffering for someone. It just means that sometimes the other person doesn't want you to know how much wrong you are, just for the fact that you shouldn't feel guilty about what you have done/said. It is simply because they care for you. But that doesn't mean that you can do/say the same thing again and say "i'm so sorry.. i didn't mean it this time too..' with an innocent smile!!

Remember that you are innocent only the first time. Next time, you pretty much know what you are doing/saying.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Love people as the way they are..

It isn't easy to accept people as the way they are.. Its easy when said in quotes.. When given advise.. But in reality, it isn't easy to follow.. Human brains are designed to accept anything by comparison. Except if it is new and hot [by hot, i didn't mean sexy ;-) It is just a phrase I'm using to mean recent :D].. But then, human brains are also given capability to mature by reasoning and understanding explanations.. and hence this post :)

Often what bothers our mind is not the behavior, character, skill or personality of the other person.. It is the result of comparison. Our mind knowingly or unknowingly starts to compare anything that it reads, sees, feels, visualizes or experiences with similar thing in the past. Thats what creates problem in the present moments and eventually ruins the future.

Accepting the fact that people are different, each have their own uniqueness, own way to express, own way to do things etc can somewhat help the mind to adjust with others. Love people as the way they are. If their 'as the way' isn't matching your frequency, don't hate them for that. Just move on.. World is so big.. If you move on, you can see there are a lot to experience and love.. Don't waste your time on bothering yourself too much about someone else's 'different' behavior.. Remember, when you feel that someone isn't in an acceptable frequency of yours, its the same feeling that the other person goes through in their mind. The way your eyes see them is the same way how their eyes see you..

"If you start judging people, you will have no time to love them", is a quote by Mother Theresa. One of my all time favorite quotes. So often we spend too much time within ourself thinking about stuff that we don't like (in other words, feel different) in others. Be it a character, behavior, personality, imperfection or what so ever.. Most of the times our eyes are focused on the small little black dot on the big white paper.. We forget the fact that there is so much white to concentrate on.. But we focus on the tiny dot.. If you feel that someone is not very perfect in something and if that bothers you, then you should understand the fact that the other person is bothered by you being perfect.. Because in their world, being not_so_perfect is the way to live.. It is just that some people prefers the color black than white..

There is nothing wrong or right. Everything is what we decide.. It all depends on how one feels about it. What is said to be a crime in one country has been approved by the government in another. It is the way it is. There could be 'I could accept..' or 'I couldn't accept..'! But what you 'don't accept' or 'can't accept' never means that it is wrong.

If you feel that there is so much differences that you are unable to get along with, then move on with your own choices. There is no point in hating or disliking someone just because they are different than your expectation. At the same time, in a different perspective, understand the fact that most of the times opposite poles only attract each other. Two things designed in an opposite way is what fits well together. Difference is what attracts. If you start viewing the differences as something new to explore and experience, then it becomes interesting. Develop the curiosity to accept and understand the differences.. Thats why God has created males and females.. Of course, there are gays and lesbians which clearly indicates that there are people who prefer similarities over differences.. Can't help it.. [OK Guys..!! I'm just using it as a contextual example.. Don't think otherwise ;-) ].. If you can't stand the differences, move on.. Thats OK!!

So the summary is, if you are not comfortable with one's character, personalities or whatsoever, learn to move on instead of disliking or hating them.. Don't discourage them for being so. Don't let them feel bad about it.. don't hurt their feelings. realize the fact that they might also have similar feelings as you.. But at the same time, as much as possible, accept people as they are.. Life is enjoyable only when you start seeing the beauties as the way they are [God!! Don't think wrong again.. It is just a poetic way to say that 'accept people as they are'].. Cheers!!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

A relationship without expectation..? Naah!!

'Lets not expect anything from each other.. lets just be friends who don't expect anything.. so that we will not end up in hard-feelings..", whenever someone says like that, I tend to say, "Bullshit!!"..

Where is relationship without expectation. The level of expectation could be more or less. But it will always be there. Relationships are formed by expectations. An expectation for a smile.. for a happy word.. for courtesy.. for sharing.. for helping.. for consoling.. for being there.. for watching over.. for caring.. for loving.. for friendliness.. and what not.. If someone says that I don't have any expectation, then he/she is back to square one, stranger!!

I think that expectations never hurt.. I tend to say that not having the maturity level to understand the situations or other's mentality hurts. Probably thats the reason why people get hurt. If something what they expect is not fulfilled by the other person, and if they fail to understand why they couldn't do so, is what the cause for hurt. Not the expectation. Or possibly if that is the character of that 'other' person not to fulfill any of the expectations from you, then you are probably in the wrong relationship. It just isn't working out.

Trust me.. You cannot change your expectation, I believe. You can hide it. You can control your disappointment.. You can control not to express the feelings of being hurt.. You can even control the anger.. but the fact is, they will take a different form and eventually come out.. Thats Newton's third law, I guess ;-)

Talking or discussing about things that disappoint you can somehow help in the relationship. If the disappointments are because of situations, you can trust that the situations will change one day or the other. For sure, you can control, wait.. But if you are ending up getting hurt because of the other person's character, well.. that is something to consider.. Because that could mean that you might have to go through it for the rest of your life.. But at the same time, developing the mentality and maturity to see the other person's situations from their own eyes can help yourself not to get hurt too much. That is something very important in life, I believe..

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Sometimes change is good..

Sometimes change is desired not because you want to try new stuff.. but because you want to get rid of few things that bother your mind.. In those situations, even those who don't like changes still prefer one because the pain of change is better than a living hell.. They want a closure. They want to feel better.

Sometimes such change happens in the flow without much of the efforts from the individual. But most of the times, it is the individual who has to take effort to bring closure to those that bothers them. There is no point in hanging around something that keeps on generating pain inside your heart. Accepting the fact that things will never be the same all the time, can help to make effort for a new change.. To get into a new environment where you can start things fresh.

Sometimes change is good. It helps to move on in life. It helps to realize the fact that your survival continues when you thought that you are just going to die. It helps you to understand the fact that there are lot more to life than what you thought.

Sunday, March 07, 2010

About women's day.. (to girls)

Equivalent to boys.. Achievements in all fields.. Excellence in studies.. Holding big titles.. responsibilities.. you could wonder, "why do we still need a dedicated one day celebration as women's day.." when you have also marked your success in this competitive world..

The sufferings, taking the extra burden, brave attempts to prove that you can also do something, the struggle to come out to let the world know that you are equal in all aspects.. Aren't all of those done to change the world from 'one day for us' to 'all the days are ours'..?

So now you have proved everything.. Why still need the exclusive day for celebration as women's day.. The answer could be, even though you reached heights, the first brave step would still be remembered, wouldn't it..?

In one aspect, for all the girls who have achieved and who are on the way to their achievements, this could be a day to think over their achievements, their brave attempts to get over the struggles and to appreciate each other for their accomplishments. In this fast paced world, you sometimes forget to sit and chew the path you walked through, to appreciate yourself for all the courage and hard work you have put to reach the heights.. Let this be a day for yourself to appreciate your efforts..

But at the same time, there are still girls who haven't even come out.. who don't even know that they have rights to come out.. who needs guidance.. who needs motivation to get the courage.. who doesn't know that they also can achieve.. they don't know that they have equal rights in all aspects.. So in a different perspective, let this be a day where you identify those girls who are in need of help, encouragement and guidance.. Inspire them.. talk to them.. let them know that there is a way out.. let them know that they can also reach heights.. show them the path for light.. when you encourage them, they will get the real motivation.. when they see that there are other girls who achieve, they also get the motivation to achieve.. they need some guidance.. they need some motivation to get the courage.. So as a woman, you have the responsibility to help such fellow-woman who are in need of help..

So let this be a day not only for gathering or celebration but also to think about your own achievements, appreciate each other's accomplishments and more importantly try to make some efforts to help, guide and motivate those girls who are still on their dark side of life.. Happy women's day to all girls.. My appreciation and wishes for all the achievements you have done so far, for all the efforts you have been making and for the big things you are going to do in future..

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Some incident testing my honesty :)

It was 8 p.m. when I reached home. I was feeling very hungry.. 'May be because I didn't have snacks in the evening', I thought. Recently a new restaurant had been opened near the place where I live. They had highlighted Briyani as their special dish. I was looking for a right day to try it and I thought 'today would be the best day to try' since I was feeling very hungry.

Thoughtful seating arrangements, colorful decorations, nice music.. the environment was very good.. the menu had limited items.. 'may be they want to concentrate on quality of the items than the quantity', i thought inside. One guy came to take the order. He was very polite. Did I mention 'very'.. yes.. he was very polite.. and waited for my order.. I glanced through the items and said, "gimme egg Briyani.. hmm and a chicken curry". He noted down what I said and was about to leave.

"ah hmmmm.. wait a minute..", I stopped him. Thought for a while and said, "make it chicken 65.. not chicken curry.."

He corrected the order. He tried to repeat the order, "one plate chicken 65 and a chicken Briyani..' and watched my expression.

I smiled and said, "no.. chicken 65 and egg Briyani.."

He gave a kind of expression that said, 'oops..' and then went inside. He then served water in a stylish glass.. It was mineral water.. 'nice..', I said to myself.

The food came. I took a bite on 65ed chicken [I was trying to sound like 'fried' chicken, 'grilled' chicken etc.. excuse me for my english :D], it tasted good. I tried the Briyani.. The taste was again good. Finally some good restaurant nearby.. I felt good.

The bill arrived. It was mentioned as "Briyani rice and chicken 65" and the total amount mentioned was Rs. 10 lesser than what it was supposed to be since I ordered Egg Briyani, which was Rs. 10 more than the Briyani rice. First I felt happy that "wow.. they have missed Rs. 10.." But that was just for few seconds, then immediately my inner sense woke up and said to me, "dude.. be honest.. tell them that they wrongly billed.."

I was about to say it, but then my other part of the mind said, "wait.. if you tell that the items were wrong in the bill, he (the guy who took the order and brought the bill) is surely going to get screwed by his boss.. and his boss might not trust him anymore for sure". 'He might even lose his job for this kind of carelessness..', I thought.

Now, I'm confused!

"Do I want to save this guy or want to be honest..?", I asked myself. 'If I try to save this guy, it would probably mean that I'm allowing him to do this mistake again..', I thought.. I don't know what to do now..

I thought for a while.. and then, "ah.. hell with them! I save 10 rupees..", I thought.. :D 'anyway these guys charge so much for food.. they losing 10 rupees is OK..' :P

I added half of that amount (Rs. 5) to the tip.. '50-50', I thought.. and I left..

OK.. Don't look at me like that.. I'm a good person only :D I just wanted to save that guy, honestly..

But after reaching home, I thought that I should have told him privately that he wrongly billed and I didn't tell just because he might end up in trouble. I should have also advised him not to be careless again.

And for my honesty, I will add that 10 rupees to my charity fund and give it to some needy person. Trust me, I will do that :-)